But at what cost...

So it's a cancer free baby for Christmas is it?

Sounds wonderful on the face of it, right? Well, what's actually happened is that embryos with the gene for this type of breast cancer have been discarded and this one, free from the gene, has been kept. So, when the mother says, "We are eliminating the gene from our line." she is actually describing the elimination of a line of family. That's people, folks. The message being sent here is that if you are going to suffer breast cancer then it is better that you, as a person, never even existed.

An obvious question is begged but it's not new. "Screening" is available for more and more conditions - how many of us would not have made it through the genetic sieve due to a propensity towards a certain type of disease or illness? Are we seriously going to say that a life involving disease is a life worth nothing?

I find all of this very unsettling.

The pursuit of perfection is understandable but, at what cost?

Four days in Florida...

Ali and I have just returned from four days in Pensacola - what a great time! We'd never been to America before and loved the part we saw. We went to meet up with Roy who was at Brownsville Assembly of God for three nights.

I simply enjoyed everything about the trip (oh, apart from getting lost between the airport and the hotel when we arrived...). The sun shines so brightly, the cars are so big, the roads are so wide and empty, the beach was beautiful, the flying was exciting, the hotel was perfect for us...

The photo was taken on Gulf Breeze beach - it looks like a postcard, doesn't it? So beautiful. I've posted a lot more photos on my Facebook page. I think you have to be my "friend" to see them, I'm not sure?

We think this was only the third time in nearly 14 years of marriage that we've been away together on our own (one of those was our honeymoon)! Hmm, maybe we could do it more frequently!

It wasn't just the place and the weather that made it so good, though. It was the whole package. It was the fact that we travelled thousands of miles to go to three meetings and hook up with Roy, Mel and the kids, that God spoke to us, that we were prayed for, that we worshipped Jesus together.

A wonderful trip. Special.

I'm back!

Well I am back from my adventures on Tour; when my head is straighter I'll post about it.
In the meantime I spotted this about one of my most favourite subjects: "The world has never seen such freezing heat" in the Telegraph. Another small step in the right direction.

Made me cry this morning...

Big adventure...

I am currently on tour with Roy Fields - how did that happen??

If you'd like to see where we've been so far you can take a look at Warren Kritko's photos which he's uploading as we go along. So far we have had 5 dates, tonight is Winchester Vineyard and then we head North tomorrow to Yorkshire then onto Scotland. The rest of the itinerary is here on Roy's website.

We are having an amazing time, what can I say?

The thing I love about Roy and Melanie is that they put Jesus first, last and everywhere in between - now there's something I can wholeheartedly buy into :-)

I try not to read school letters...

So the kids are back at school and I am able to "pop out" again! Oh the freedom!*

So it was that on Wednesday morning I drove our four to school. Our two boys go to the Junior School (Blue jumpers) and the two girls go to the adjacent Infant School (Green jumpers).

We noticed, as we got closer to the schools, that whilst we had seen green jumpers, we hadn't seen any blue ones. Oh, that sinking feeling. I convinced myself that if I concentrated really hard I could make the boys' school open by sheer willpower.

No.

So the boys had the day at home and I stayed in.

I have, I should say, done this several times and the kids are quite used to it!

* I would, of course, never want to be without our kids. But it's great to drop them ALL off at school!

A bit better...

The results are in, out of 244:
Swim 61st
Bike 174th
Run 115th

Overall 140th

(The winner finished in 1 hr 5 mins 4 secs and the last finisher in 2hrs 41 mins 20 secs - question: who made the greatest effort, eh?)

Now, I must learn how my bike shoes do up and undo...

Very happy...

Yes, it is over and I finished well! Total time 1 hr 34 min and a bit. It's a fascinating head journey, I find, when doing these things. You're up, you're down, you believe, you lose faith in yourself one minute, you regain it the next...

The swim was good, under 7 mins, but I clambered out feeling exhausted - oh dear, what have I done? I've still got the bike and the run to go! I've only just started and I'm done for...but then I got to have a slight rest as I couldn't remember how my bike shoes undid! Ha, ha! Anyway, this has to be one of the most beautiful bike routes - through the New Forest, avoiding ponies (cattlegrids are a bit scary on a bike in the rain I can tell you...). Onto the bike and it was fine (flat course, this one) - I kept my cadence up which may have helped. Also I knew where I was in the ride by checking my time, at Salisbury I felt all over the place and thought it would never end. Just over 1 hour and I was back at the transition area, this time trying to figure how to get the shoes off! Starting the run felt bad, really hard and I decided that I would just keep going, NO stopping. As it progressed, though, it got easier and easier ending up in me being surprised that the finish came so quickly :-)

The two pictures are the same Triathlon, one in 1995 and today.

13 years difference! 13 years! Wow, you know you're getting older when you can say that ;-)

Southampton Triathlon...

...is in the morning! Can't wait :-)
I'll be in the water at 9:25 and should be well finished by Monday.

Pascal's Prayer

“Lord, help me to do great things as though they were little,
since I do them with Your power;
and little things as though they were great,
since I do them in Your name.”

So...

Frederick Beuchner wrote:
"Intellectually we all know that we will die, but we do not really know it in the sense that the knowledge becomes a part of us. We do not really know it in the sense of living as though it were true. On the contrary, we tend to live as though our lives would go on forever."

Francis Chan, "Crazy Love, Overwhelmed by a relentless God."

You shall go to the ball...

I believe my knee is better, hurray! This being the case I'll be hurting myself again this Sunday morning taking part in the Southampton Fast Twitch Triathlon. Love the name, eh? Fast Twitch, referring to muscle fibres that make you go fast. Hmm... I'm nervous even thinking about it! Well, nervous and excited at the same time...

400m swim, 18 mile bike, 3.5 mile run, no problem. Oh, unless there's any sort of hill on the bike in which case I nearly grind to a halt, or the organisers fail to put up CORRECT SIGNAGE ON THE RUN SECTION AND SEND ME THE WRONG WAY EVENTUALLY HAVING TO ASK A RANDOM OLD LADY HAVE YOU SEEN A LEISURE CENTRE AROUND HERE ANYWHERE WHITE OAK I SHALL SAY NO MORE.

And relax.

Nerves are funny things, they make you visit the bathroom before the race with a particular sense of urgency, and in this I am not alone. It's the only time I see a queue for the gents!

Nowadays we associate emotions with the heart but the Greeks, I think, held that the liver was where it's at feelings-wise. This makes much more sense, it's in the intestines if you ask me (proof is in the previous paragraph!). After all, we talk about having the "guts" to do something or not, don't we?*

Anyway, enough wibble for now, I need to go and, erm, pay a visit...

Oh, still no sign of Boots the cat and the sighting was another cat that looked a bit like him :-(

*It's just occurred to me that St Valentine's Day cards possibly wouldn't carry the same appeal with images of intestines on them, would they??

And here we go again...

A while back I posted here about exam grades and golf clubs. And here we go again, this time with A levels. In light of Universities having to reject record numbers of students with three A grades there will be, wait for it, an A* grade. So now the grades chunk down one step as with GCSEs.

I actually heard someone on Radio 4 in support of this saying that those who in future got A grades wouldn't feel as though they'd done any worse than those who got A*. Eh? What are you talking about?? The current A will become a de facto B. There can only be one top grade! Let's count it: one.

It seems to me that the examination process serves two main purposes:
a) Students achieve something tangible. Good for them.
b) We differentiate between students according to their attainment. Good for us.

Problems come when we want all the students to not only achieve something, but achieve everything. When I was a Secondary School Maths Teacher I saw a continuum of ability in my pupils. No really, I did. You may not like it but some were very bright, some were very, erm, challenged and most were in the middle. It's just the way it is.

Why are we trying to pretend that we're all the same? So you got a B, that's because you didn't do well enough to get an A. Tough? Probably, but the alternative is what we have each year as the results come out: more and more bunching at the top leading to the inability to differentiate between the best.

I see the sense in criterion referenced testing for some sort of entrance or medical exam where a definitive standard needs to be achieved, but what's the point with GCSEs and A levels?

I don't suppose there'd be any point suggesting a return to normative assessment? No, didn't think so, it just wouldn't be fair...

Where's he gone?

And while we were away Boots has done a runner. I hope. Socks is here but no Boots. I asked at some houses in our road and may have a sighting, I'll investigate.

I do hope we find him :-(

Back en Engleterre...

Ah yes, to be back in Blighty is great. The holiday was however, also, great! Two Gites (I think that's French for Cottages...) with a swimming pool and Jacuzzi, well you can't complain can you? I have a very nice tan now, although I fear it may fall off some time soon, although even my shins are far more presentable now than before I went. The highlights? Well. the final visit at the end of the French adventure to St Michel's Mount took my breath away! Even from afar as we approached I just needed to keep looking at it. Once atop this great edifice I was nearly overcome with vertigo, however, and just wanted to get back to terra firma - it was soooooo high up!

Also, a Chateau we visited was simply amazing - built just to show off!

I enjoyed being able to speak a little French: "Avez vous Wifi?" and "Pardon" and "Merci" etc...

There were too many flies and little or no web access - Mark and I had to drive to a "weefee" equipped bar and then nag them to get it working - we got there in the end, however, and managed to Send and Receive eventually.

For me, it was very good to feel a measure of detachment from what I do each day/week and take stock of things. To return with an invigorated vision and reassessment of the tasks in hand.

We shall see what fruit this produces forthwith.

En France...

We are off to France for two whole weeks tomorrow! Au revoir to both of you, I hope that you find something else to read in the meantime that bouys you in a similar way.

I will, of course, update you on my knee upon my return. I know you're all very concerned.

Oh, hopefully I can get web access out in the sticks in which case, fear not, I'll keep you informed :-)

Oooh, my knee...

My knee is injured. On the third and last lap of the Triathlon running (again, I use this term in its very broadest sense...) up a short dirt hill I felt a sudden pain in my right knee. As you know, I finished the race, it didn't feel too bad. Until I played golf and then it was! I may need to miss the Southampton Tri (my local one! I'll probably need to alert The Echo to my possible absence...), oh well, I am 39 and next year I'll be a Veteran...

Next year I want to do an open water swim in the wet suit my brother's passed on to me, so I'm not about to saddle myself with an ongoing knee problem. This being the case, I shall persevere with the stretchy bandage thing and the meds and confine myself to swimming lots.

White Oak Triathlon...

Well, I've just seen the results of the race on Sunday. For Salisbury I was about halfway up (down?) the field and I was hoping to improve on that at White Oak but, alas, I came 175th out of 253.

My brother, Pete, came 9th. No exclamation mark there, as when he ran past me he looked like a Gazelle in full flow, a study in balance and peak physical conditioning. The backdraft almost knocked me over. (He recently did a half Ironman in Switzerland so White Oak is a bit like walking to the shops. And maybe back. For me, it's a test of ultimate physical endurance...). Oh, and whilst we were walking (OK, he was walking, I was limping...) away from the Sports Centre I said, "Erm, is your back brake rubbing?", and indeed it was. So, my little brother came ninth whilst cycling with the rear brake on! ("I don't know what it was, maybe it was the wind, I never really got into the bike..." Bro, your back brake was on...)

Now, in my defense, towards the very end of the "run", and I use the term in its very broadest sense, there was a sign issue which led me and about five other guys to go the wrong way. And get a bit lost. The right turn sign said, "Bike route". We were clearly not on bikes, we were running, so we went straight on up the hill for a while. When we realised we'd all missed the turning someone asked an old lady if she knew where the Sports Centre was...ever so slightly annoying. I reckon this added at least a quarter of an hour to my time. Maybe an hour. At least. I could have WON IT!

Anyway, it was a total but painful joy to complete another "Sprint" Triathlon and I shall wear the T-shirt with pride.

And, lest I forget, last December I was a fat man in despair. God put Michael Winner and his book in my way at just the right time* and here I am, at 39 taking part in Triathlons after an approximate "rest" of 13 years - a minor miracle!

To finish, I quote 1 Tomothy 1:8, "For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come."

* God's timing amazes and thrills me. The same thing at the wrong time leads to nothing, but He knows the time, the season, the very moment for life change. He is able to draw us to Himself at just the right time. Romans 5:6. "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly."

So you see, you really can't help much...

Read this article.

You may not like it. You may not like it because, as I've postulated before, what we fear the most is impotency in the face of Climate Change.

Avoid standby mode on your TV if it makes you feel better.
But that's all you'll achieve.
Sorry.
Deal with it.

"I understand that this tattoo is permanent and will last the rest of my life"

That's what I had to sign at the tattoo shop, I like that! Here it is:

What can you say?

This brought tears to my eyes...

Romans 1:16...

A few weeks ago I had the privilege of going on HTB's Worship Pastor Retreat at Malshanger in Basingstoke. It was a truly great time - Monday to Thursday with 19 other (musical) worship leaders from around the world (and others staffing it) in a country house on a beautiful estate AND full English breakfast every morning! (I allowed myself some "holiday eating" btw :-D).

It was run by Tim Hughes and Al Gordon but was excellent nonetheless, heh, heh ;-)



Our time was very balanced, split between worshiping*, teaching, discussion, praying, waiting on Him, football outside, watching a film, walking, chatting, eating, explaining cricket to the Americans...explaining it again...and again...giving up...explaining custard**...

Anyway, my "moment" came when we'd been praying and waiting and I stood forward for breakthrough. I'd felt a glass ceiling of some sort but didn't know what it was. Some prayed for me for a time and said a couple of (good!) things over me, then I felt Jesus was asking me if I was ashamed of Him? Ashamed of Him?? No way!! Am I?? Am I? The thought broke my heart and I was in tears. Part of me obviously was, and this came as a real surprise to me. He dealt with something right there and I feel different now.

And, just this week I had a meeting with a friend in Starbuck's, was telling him about this and the tears came again, which was another surprise! (I don't know what they thought Neil had said to me...??) So this is clearly not over, but very exciting, bring it on!

And that's why I'm going to get "Jesus" tattooed on my arm, I'm just choosing the font...watch this space!

* I use the word "worship" here in it's musical sense, worship is, in reality, "our occupation with God Himself, with the greatness of His being." and not confined to song!

** On seeing one of us pouring custard on sponge pudding: "Erm, why are you putting pudding on your cake?"

Triathlon...

Lots to tell from the last week but I'll start with my first Triathlon in about 13 years.

Last Sunday morning at 9 o'clock I was in Salisbury starting my swim. Now, I had been observing the previous wave (no pun intended) in the pool clambering out as they finished. They seemed to be struggling to even get out of the pool! Pathetic, I thought, but all was to become clear - the swim finished at the deep end, hence you couldn't "jump" out of the pool - I thought I'd never get out! It took all my strength to drag myself up and out :-D
So, off I ran out of the pool into the rain (which wouldn't stop for the whole race...) and across to the "transition area", a.k.a. muddy field, where I'd left my bike earlier. But I couldn't find my bike. A fellow competitor had left his bike shoes on my bag and so I ran straight by. Twice. Oh well! I did find it in the end - shoes, number, helmet, bike and go. 20 miles later I arrived back in the mud and then couldn't find where my stuff was. Again. Oh well! So, change shoes, switch number to front, cap and shades on and......hey, what happened to my legs!! Where are they?? I know I have legs because I can see them but can I feel them? Nope! I'd forgotten that particular feeling, legs like numb bricks. Still, I managed to "run" (the word "run" here is open to broad interpretation, including: "squatting whilst wiggling legs and moving along slowly in great pain", for example...) the 4 miles to the finish and savour the achievement of finishing, hurray!

I came 101st out of 200 and my brother (who came 5th at Sevenoaks) says he's very proud of me :-) I do not think he's being funny.

You should notice that I have added "Triathlete" to the bit about me now.

Lessons for next time are pretty obvious - make sure you know where your bike is!

Oh, and apologies to the man who was next to me who now has no goggles. I do now have two pairs, but it wasn't me and I didn't do it. I hope you find a good deal on some new ones.

God the artist...

(Comment on Gene Simmons another time, still trying to crystallise a sensible comment...)

Just been watching Newsnight Review again and I found myself asking the same questions I do each time I watch. Here we have the great(ish) and the good(ish) discussing a film/play/book in, what seems to be, absolute terms.
From whence does the criteria for excellence arise?

Well, of course, as a Christian I believe that all creativity comes from God and hence (as all of us are created in His image) we have an innate recognition of this creativity as an expression of God the Creator.

What makes me wonder is this: what makes one thing "good" and another "rubbish"? Take films, for example, and I love watching films - big screen, surround sound, full immersion experience. But films are easy, aren't they? That film was "good" or that film was "rubbish". Theatre, it seems to me, is another ball game as are books . Listening to Newsnight Review I'm left thinking that these people claim a grasp of something that slips through my fingers - the way they talk so earnestly about, in this case, a play and seem to know whether the production was right or wrong, good or bad, absolutely.

Take Jackson Pollock. I look at his paint dribbles and think, hmmm, not so tricky? But if I tried it would look like a preschool accident (you may think JP's work does indeed look like this!), and yet there really is something there.

In my case, take the song writing process: what makes a melody line or harmony or lyric right or wrong? Opinion? Something much deeper, I think.

A reflection of God as Creator placing a part of creation in each of us - when we hear it or see it we just know.

Come on!

A new low this morning - 72.8kg.

So, that's (since mid December) 17.7 kg or 2 stone 11 lbs gone or nearly nine 2 litre bottles of (Diet) Coke.

20% of me has disappeared.

Ta daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

"Shrink Wrap" new series...

I just caught the last half on Dr Pamela Connolly's "Shrink Wrap" with Joan Rivers.

I've blogged about these programs before here and here - the new series is absolutely no less enthralling than the last. Why do I find these programs so fascinating? A good question. I think it's, for me, because the human condition is revealed, in all its weakness - and these sessions are very revealing.

I'm reminded, as I watch, of the earlier Michael Parkinson interviews when I was younger. He'd have on his program, say, a Hollywood star and he's interview them, just them, for long enough to find out something new about them, something that revealed a facet of their character as another human being - not the "Celebrity" persona. When his show was brought back, that had all gone, replaced by short chat sound bite irrelevancies. Shame. Big shame.

Dr Pamela's program is amazing. The participants are genuinely stunned at her perception and her ability to show them things about themselves they didn't expect or know.

Next week it's Gene Simmons of rock supergroup KISS, I can hardly wait!

Mindgames...

I have noticed that I've been "relaxing" a bit with my eating and need to refocus as my weight's gone up a little. This feels like a second phase type of thing - I've lost the bulk (two and a half stone in old money) but have a bit more to lose. As of today I am, according to my cheapo Fat Percentage monitor 27.7% fat. I weighed 76.1kg this morning so I'm pretty much 21kg of fat. Now, you do need some fat, so weighing about 55kg would be bad. Not much danger of this, however...

So what's my "healthy" weight with the recommended BFP (Body Fat Percentage)? Here, for a 39 year old male it's 22%, for a 40 year old it's 25%.

22% makes me 70.5 kg, next year I can be 73.5kg.

(Yes, Alex, I am assuming no change in muscle since it is for ALL intents and purposes here, IRRELEVANT!)

So, 5.6 kg to lose.

Now, the temptation I've been recognising is to stop now and settle for what I've achieved - "You've done really well, Mark, now you can just relax and EEEEAAAATTTT!!"

Hence my take-out count has been creeping up, I ate much more than I normally would this weekend whilst away and my snacking during the daytime has re-emerged a bit. A wise man told me that "Good is the enemy of Great" and it is sooooooo true.

Today I recommit myself to my task and stop messing about.

Pass the Zimmer...

I've entered the Salisbury Triathlon on 21st of May, yay!

I looked at a Tri site yesterday to have a browse and discovered, to my consternation, that you become a Veteran at the ripe old age of 40! I'm 39, next year I'll qualify for the Vet's category! Yikes, that makes ya think.

I'm finding my reaction to this very interesting. I like getting older and enjoying each life season as it comes and goes, I wouldn't want to be younger again, I feel I'm still approaching my prime. But, it does make me feel odd that in a year I'll be a Vet!

Newsnight...

And Nigel's just been on Newsnight on the BBC as well! Up against Prof. Chris Rapley CBE from the Science Museum it has been fascinating. "An Appeal To Reason" is the title of Lawson's book (and it was the title of the lecture I alluded to earlier) - Paxman quoted from the book, "It is better to do nothing than to do something stupid." Nice, I like it. Lawson's point is that devoting all to Mitigation based on, in my opinion, groupthink, is indeed stupid. Moreover, the economics of it all, and this is primarily Lawson's point, don't make sense.

I know you tend to get that for which you are looking, but I think Chris lost that particular one, and he was looking as one on the back foot.

Altogether now: "The Times They Are Achanging"...

Nigel Lawson...

...is on The World Tonight on Radio 4 now and I'm listening as I type - another example of the increasing media coverage being given to the alternate viewpoint. As you know, I've blogged about him before in November '06 and his Lecture to the Centre for Policy Studies in which he presents a wonderfully sensible viewpoint with which I wholeheartedly agree.

Boots...

...is at the emergency Vet! "Boots is bleeding!" the kids cried, and indeed he was. Somehow the 6ft snooker table leant against the wall fell on him (I have no idea how this was even possible...) and so off to the Vet I went. He's in shock with a nasty cut to the top of his palate (stitches...) and a dislocated jaw! I'm to pick him up at 8am and take him to our regular Vet for his continued care. Worried about him, he's in a bit of a pickle right now :-(

Pray for our cat.

Doubt...

Tonight's meeting at New Community was about doubt - and how refreshing!

When considering doubt I always remember (and this is true, I do always remember this...) my first placement in my PGCE year when training to be a maths Teacher. I had a conversation re Christianity with a teacher at this school, who was a "lapsed Catholic". I said to him that I "knew" that God existed. He said to me that I couldn't "know". So I asked him what I could I say then, and he replied that I could say that I couldn't imagine believing anything more strongly than I did; that without doubt, there is no faith. I stopped right there. I paused, and said, "Good point!". Hmmm, faith in a vacuum is meaningless.

Y'see, I realised in that moment in my life, that his lapsed faith had greater depth and reality than my easy certain cheap answers faith. The wrestling with doubt is, actually, essential to faith. What is faith if it is not the triumph over doubt? And doubts will surely come, either fleetingly or sustained. I have read of great heroes of the faith enduring these very struggles with doubt and overcoming - it all sounds so, well, holy, but these people were wondering whether God actually existed or not! True, they came to the conclusion that he did, but in conversation of a Sunday I would be thinking, "Oh, it's a shame that they're a bit weak in their faith!", not, "Oh yes, see the mighty Christian warrior battling against doubt and overcoming!"

I can be driving along in the car on the way to lead the musical worship and find myself thinking, "Oh, come on, how can this all really be true, eh?", but then I remember all that He's done for me and that I "knew" from my earliest memories that He is who He is and that I was, am, and will always be, His.

Faith without doubt cannot exist any more than light without dark.

I am a "New Breed of Thinker"...

Well, I thought that was a very good radio programme. But this should not surprise you if you've read this blog before, eh? I was expecting Nigel Lawson to get a mention (he didn't) since his lecture to which I alluded in a previous post , here, is in line with the "Adaptation" (see below) approach.

This half an hour was a breath of very fresh air indeed. I detect a subtle but big shift in media coverage emerging in just the last few months. The view that we should focus entirely on the reduction of the "carbon footprint" simply needs to change. Let's all agree that Climate Change is a reality (although not proven to be anthropogenic in origin). Well, big news everyone, the climate does change over time, and please don't fall into the trap of assuming that correlation necessarily indicates causation. This is lazy thinking.

The two words punctuating the programme were "adaptation" and "mitigation". Our entire emphasis has been, up until now at least, on mitigation. We will save the planet by changing the entire globe's weather systems simply by changing our behaviour. That would be good, wouldn't it? That Man shall control the planet, that Man shall have this power. What we fear the most is our own impotency in this changing physical climate! As stated on the programme, if there were no, that's right, NO CO2 emissions from tomorrow in this country we would still be looking at decades of change.

The poor countries cannot adapt as well as we can, we were told, because they don't have the money to finance schemes such as those in Holland in response to possible sea level increase. Well, let's help them. Again, let's help them? Shall we? This is something that can be done and Nigel Lawson made this point very clear in the lecture linked to above.

OK, enough for now, but I am genuinely encouraged with the changing emphasis in the debate. I watch and wait in anticipation of common sense winning through in the end.

Good night :-)

Is the penny ACTUALLY DROPPING??

Let's all listen to Radio 4 tonight at 8:30:

Analysis

The Wrong Road to a Warmer World

Kenan Malik asks whether we are approaching climate change and how to combat it from the wrong direction.

Government ministers and green lobbyists want to reduce global warming by persuading us to take drastic action to reduce our carbon footprint.

But might a better strategy be to accept that climate change is going to happen anyway and to adapt society to meet its challenges? And if so, why is no one talking about it?

This sounds like music to my ears - we shall see! Or hear.

I am jammy...

...and so's my wife.

Our eldest (9) has been saying that he's been having trouble reading the board so we decided to get his eyes tested. My beautiful and terrifically busy wife told him that it was to be Leighton's at 4:15 on Tuesday, yesterday.

I'd only got this info from the boy so was after some confirmation from Ali but to no avail - text silence. Hmmm, I was becoming suspicious that a fob off had been performed! Still, towards the end of the school day she said that it was indeed Leighton's at 4:15.

All went well and his glasses may even be here by the weekend.

Now, later last night the truth was revealed. Ali had been blagging!! There was no booking made!! When I texted her to check, Ali had thought "Oops!" and phoned Leighton's just in case...

I should say that we are well used to me being jammy - sometimes it's embarrassing! This time, God did it for her - the lady at Leighton's said...drumroll please...there had been a cancellation for 4:15!

Ha ha, how cool is He??

Swimming...

Went swimming again today.

Yes, Neil, locker number 75.

London...

...was excellent! About 2,300 people packed into Westminster Central Hall - quite a sight and sound. Alex and I did our duties: he kept the queue (which went twice around the building) safe and I was a doorman in the Great Hall for four hours (ooooh, my aching feet!). Music was great, N T Wright made my brain ache and Mike Pilavachi reminded us that it really is all about Jesus. Well, I think it was Mike Pilavachi, either that or a thin version who sounds similar; he's barely recognisable. I did wonder if he'd been talking to Michael winner recently...

Early start in the morning...

Tomorrow Alex and I travel to London to go to the worshipcentral gathering at Westminster Central Hall. 2000 people will gather to sing, pray, learn, eat, mingle and be guided in queues and through doorways by Alex and myself. Can't guarantee to help each and every one of them. Since I (despite Alex's gentle reminders for the past few months...) left it so late that they SOLD OUT I emailed them to see if we could get in by helping - and we can! Hurray! Very pleased to be going (and by being on the team you get in for free!) and looking forward to tomorrow greatly :-)

Routines...

I like my routines. I probably need my routines, actually. Some think I'm a little Obsessive Compulsive...

I've started swimming again for several reasons: a) I like it, b) It helps me lose weight, c) I can now go without feeling very uncomfortable due to my size.

Anyway, I went today and I was noticing how I'm , inevitably, building little routines into the trip to the pool. First, I choose a pool. I've tried several with mixed experiences and settled on The Quays in town. I don't ask for much but here the Fast Lane is either empty (so I have the lane to myself) or actually populated by "Fast" swimmers, not people who just wish they were but live in cloud cuckoo land and hold you up. It's pride, isn't it? There's a "Medium" lane - doesn't sound too bad does it? You're Medium. Swim in the Medium lane. Please. OK, the "Slow" lane is definitely for those who wish to keep their hair dry, fair enough...but I digress.

On Tuesday I went for my first Quays visit and drove around for a bit trying to find it, didn't know where the entrance was, didn't know how much to pay or what I needed for a locker, didn't know I could get my parking fee back, didn't know where the Men's changing was or the way into the pool. But I made it into the pool and loved it. Struggled to find my way out of the car park afterwards...

Today, oh it was a different story! Straight there, straight in, got parking off the price, straight into the changing area to the same bench I used on Tuesday, same locker (Number 75), same lane, excellent all round! Straight out of the car park afterwards...

You may be thinking - even the same locker?? Well, as I was saying about routines, I refine a process bit by bit until it works optimally (in my mind) and then I repeat it. Every time. No point being unnecessarily anxious, now, is there? This is true for many things I do, I've noticed, and if it ain't broke, as they say, don't fix it.

My beautiful wife once took the kids to ASDA and turned left upon entering the store . "We can't do that!", they cried, "Daddy ALWAYS turns right..." and it's true. Must turn right, must turn right...

So, before very long I'll be able to do my swim without making any decisions at all. Which is just how I like it.

The story so far...

When I was at school I was often called fat. I laughed about it, but what are you supposed to do? It's a defense mechanism when on the inside you're hurting. I wasn't even that big but, especially in school, it doesn't take much. I was not bullied but, for whatever reason(s), this impression of myself has remained ever since.

As an adult, being obsessive it seems to me, has two faces. There is the internal, private one and the external, public one. Since mid December I have lost a lot of weight and, for me, it is a life changing time, and I can hardly believe I've done it. I am glancing in shop windows, catching my reflection and doing a double take - my mind is still stubbornly expecting to see the same old profile that I'd tried to ignore or deny. On the outside I was accepting of it - "Hey, this is the shape God made me!" - but on the inside ever more desperate not to be like I was. I know that unless I am very, very careful I will simply eat too much again. Repeatedly. Yes, unless you're like me you will not understand. Unless you are recognising this mindset in yourself it's just a bit over the top, isn't it? I look at this picture and think, "Yeah. just bring me some ketchup and leave me to it!"


In Winner's book, one of the things that came across to me is the seriousness with which he set his mind to the task. This is not a diet, this is a life or death change of lifestyle. It is that serious. Maybe not for you, but for me and others, quite simply, it is. There is no end, there is no finish line, there is only a behaviour modification that must be lifelong. Managing this approach involves the private and the public. Privately I can do as I please but publicly I need to integrate my eating so as not too make a fuss...

But, the benefits are numerous! Where do I start? I am not disgusted with myself. I am not ashamed of my shape. I am no longer approaching private despair. I carry a message of hope! It can be done! It really can - and by doing less, eating less!

For women, it is easier to discuss weight and eating. For men, well, don't be such a girl! I believe there are a large number of men who feel as I felt, who don't believe they can stop overeating, and I don't want to keep my feelings of victory, freedom, release, choice, increased self-esteem etc. to myself! I want other guys, who want to change, to know that it can be done.

It CAN be done, you CAN do it, and if I can help I will :-)

Lifted from Brian's blog...

A break...

In 1995 Ali and I were married and we went to the Isle of Wight for our honeymoon. It's a mere 12 and a bit years later and we've just been away together on our own AGAIN! This time we went to Bournemouth to a hotel for two nights and it was marvellous! Big thanks to the Frames for moving into our house and sorting seven kids in our absence...

I must recommend The Starlight curry house to both of you. Faultless! The service was actually fast!* I thought something must be wrong - we ordered, and the food arrived within a few minutes :-O The Chicken Tikka Madras I had was spectacular as well; just shy of my pain threshold, yum.

Who knows, in 2020 we may go somewhere again...

*At the other extreme was the IaMT curry in Southampton recently. I arrived about an hour late, but we were still waiting another hour later for the food to arrive. There were mumblings about going to the Chippy next door for sustenance while we waited. At one point some of the assembled stood up to change places (I think they were actually checking their legs still worked after being motionless for so long...) and the owner burst from the kitchen waving his arms thinking we were leaving having simply given up in despair...

Two of my favourite subjects...

Just saw this headline and thought, "Well, here two of my worlds collide!": "Obesity as big a threat as Climate Change"

"Conscious control" definitely describes me and Mr Winner!

I agree that small changes will not be sufficient to affect your weight and shape - a change of lifestyle is needed, albeit exercise, in my case, was not found to be necessary. I have now, however, started swimming and running again (I used to do short triathlons; I am thinking about doing them again...).

And on the subject of Climate Change, I hope you had a look at http://climatedebatedaily.com/ - read it with an open mind.

Obesity is not up for question but Anthropogenic Climate Change most certainly is.

Packhorses...

Just got in from the school run (non-uniform day for the girls, oops, will go back shortly with other clothes for them...). I saw a Mum heavy-laden with bags whilst her two boys happily walked alongside her. Why do most Mums do this?? One of our boys went to a friend's house after school yesterday and that Mum even offered to carry his stuff for him! Why?? Make the kids carry their own stuff. It's their stuff and they get used to it quite happily.

Will it be these Mum's who later can't understand why their kids don't do anything for themselves? "Why do I have to do everything around here?" they will cry, "Because you always did!" could be the response...

Pretentious? moi??

I just need to say that I had to Google Beethoven to find out who Orpheus actually is.

Phenominal...

Just watching "The South Bank Show" - they are profiling an extremely gifted pianist called Lang Lang and, I kid you not, he is one of the most amazing musicians I have ever seen. But, what's struck me is his emotional connection with the music he's playing (let alone his technical brilliance) - he demonstrates Orpheus' pain so very clearly (in the Beethoven) as he plays the notes. He is physically expressing the emotions as he plays. Such a very deep understanding here, quite sublime.

You think the debate is over? Think again...

Check out this site: http://climatedebatedaily.com/

I am firmly on the right hand side.

It's official...

...I am officially no longer OBESE!
Even the extremely unfair BMI chart confirms that I am now only OVERWEIGHT.
That's good then...

What's in a name...?

I was playing golf today with an extremely good friend today at Chilworth. I shall disguise his name, let's call him Dim Sendy (not his real name...). It was his birthday today and in honour of this great day I was enjoying a half corona cigar (Henry Winterman) on the 13th fairway. He looked across at me from the rough before taking his sixth (or so...) shot and said, "You remind me of Hannibal Lecter..." Well, I was taken aback - that's a bit harsh, I thought, "No, hang on", he said, "I mean Hannibal from the A-team!"

What's in a name, eh? Small difference...

One of those days...

Today has been one of those days. Now, I'd like to say that I did allow the day to develop, I just don't say, "It's going to be one of those days...", early in the morning 'cos I spilt the coffee. No, don't curse the day!

One of my jobs at Central Hall is to get the talk recorded and get it to the office on Monday; normally this is quite a straightforward task. Well, as straightforward as anything "technical" ever is! I'm also recording a new song and it (was) nearly done. I was given a PC for recording purposes and I prepare the talks on that machine too.

So I import the talk WAV from the H2 (takes ages...) to my Tracktion software as usual and it plays. Once. Then it's silent. I can even see the waveform on the screen but it's making no sound. My song tracks all work fine - on the same screen, on the same software. So I re-import the WAV and again it works once and then goes on strike. OK, restart the PC and begin again with a Normalised (takes absolutely ages on the H2) WAV now and it seems to be better. I chop the track nicely and go for an Export as a WAV as normal. At this point the whole Tracktion screen simply disappears. Uh, this is bad...didn't save the song...hours of work...gone in an instant.

This process of arriving at a point significantly worse off than where I started has taken me until lunchtime.

After huffing and puffing for a bit I resign myself to having to re-record the song (acoustic, bass, vocal, keys, drums...) from scratch and re-do the talk. Humph.

OK, re-restart the PC and...TRACKTION HAS COMPLETELY DISAPPEARED FROM THE COMPUTER AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! Now, I can't even re-record the song! Or redo the talk!

So, at the end of this day I have spent quite a lot of energy getting myself to a point some distance behind where I was when I started.

Here he is...

Careful, careful...

Time, I think, for another delve into the world of RoSPA. In keeping with my current food OBSESSION let's see how many people injured themselves in a food related way.

OK, on the hassandlass website I'm looking at "Breadbin". Hmmm, can't really see how you hurt yourself here but, hold on a sec, yep, I have the results:
In 2000 there were 71 "Victims" of "Breadbin", in 2001 there were 36 and in 2002 there were 185. BREADBIN?? 185 in 2002 means one person every other day!!

Right, let's check out, hmmmm, "Coffee Grinder". Results:
In 2000 there were none, in 2001 there were 18 and in 2002 none again. That is a BIG peak there in 2002. I can only think that either i) there was a Government awareness campaign after the 2001 epidemic vis a vis the dangers of grinding coffee or ii) everyone started drinking instant (or "Warm Drink of Weetabix" as I call it...). Interesting that the Breadbin is seriously more dangerous than the Coffee Grinder. Thinking about a sandwich or a cuppa? Go for the brew, seriously, your life could depend on it.

Last one. Let's choose, "Serving Tray". What do you reckon? How does this innocent looking piece of equipment compare with the near lethal "Breadbin" and the surprisingly harmless "Coffee Grinder"? Folks, I have to tell you that the humble Serving Tray is a DEATH TRAP!! In 2000 there were 1,419 Victims, in 2001 1,464 and in 2002 1,599! (On the increase, you notice?) HOW??

So, in summary, using advanced techniques of statistical analysis I calculate the following:

a) A Serving Tray is 2.6 times as dangerous as a Breadbin,
b) A Breadbin is 16.2 times as dangerous as a Coffee Grinder, and
c) A Serving Tray is 15.3 times as dangerous as a Breadbin and a wopping 249 times as dangerous as a Coffee Grinder.

I'll stop there.

You have been warned.
Ignorance is no longer an excuse.

(I have just checked back to a post I did on risk, read it here, and a Serving Tray is 2.2 times as dangerous as a Bus Shelter.)

Expressions...

Tonight at Central Hall we're having a meeting listed as Creative Prayer. The aim is to explore various expressions of creativity in prayer and worship and whatever else that means. I like to have everything prepared normally so this is something a bit different for me!

I am really keen to help facilitate people's creative expression before God. I know that my most natural expression, singing, is well catered for in our church life but what if your expression is painting? Or sculpting? Or dancing? Or...whatever it is? So we don't have a plan as such, just a few thoughts and we'll see what happens.

It's good to have some space and time for these sorts of expressions of the creativity that God has placed inside us all.

Some of it I will understand and some of it I will not. The picture is an example of "not" :-)

Another bottle...

My weight loss is now up to four 2 litre bottles of Diet Coke - WOW! I changed my plan slightly yesterday though as my wife, who's a Doctor, said I needed more protein so it was chicken for lunch! I know that at this stage of my food journey I can start to go a bit over obsessive and begin seeing food as the enemy. This way leads to bigger problems than being overweight! I think this highlights just what a complex thing your relationship with food can be - one season eating to excess, the next eating next to nothing. It can flip right over.

I was once working four nights a week in a factory on a line. I lost weight then by eating nothing but fruit and fibre and swimming one hundred lengths at the pool in the morning after each shift. Lost a lot then too, but this is not exactly sustainable is it??

This time my plan is to have two phases - Phase 1: Achieve an acceptable weight, and Phase 2: Maintain that weight.

Phase 1 is going well but I do have to be careful not to lose a healthy perspective on it.

I'm hopeful that Phase 2 will be sustainable.

Phew...!

A new low this morning! I was ruthless yesterday and have reaped the benefit this morning. I remember in Winner's book he has the same experience several times of eating just a bit too much and then feeling the annoyance the next day as the numbers tell the story. For me, this is one of the reasons weighing night and day is crucial - I can keep in touch with what's happening day by day and respond as necessary.

Yes, it is obsessive. BUT if I am serious about being slimmer then it is the only way. I'm 38 and this is (was??) the decade where I can really make a difference to later life healthwise. Without this sort of approach I would go gently into that good night of obesity, and all that it brings.

Rage, rage against the widening of the waist!

Just how careful I have to be...

Went out for Chinese last night (a birthday...) and, boy, that's been a wake up call! Big spike in my bar chart, seriously not happy about this. Felt like lots of good work was gone in a flash. Simply ATE TOO MUCH. I have to remember that, given the opportunity, I will overeat, every time. I am a Compulsive Overeater. If you are not like this it's difficult to explain.

So, it is a setback but I shall have my victory! In a couple of weeks it'll be a blip on my chart and a lesson learned.

A new man...

...I am a new man! I played golf today and the contrast with my last game was amazing. Before I lost some weight I was struggling around the course and after nine holes I went home exhausted. Played poorly too. Today I could have carried on after 18 easily (although the weather won just before that...) and the trousers I bought to wear for golf when I was at my largest.....are now too big!! GLORY GLORY!! And I played quite well too, very encouraging :-)

I have now lost more than the weight of three 2 litre bottles of Coke and this since late November. (Well, Diet Coke, in fact...)

I'm starting to think that this way of eating is conceivably sustainable. If so, this is a huge step forward for me. I won't be cured, but I can manage myself so that I eat what I need and not the amount I want. Being slimmer is much more tasty than loads and loads of food.

Thanks again Michael Winner.

(I just read the previous post and the result of the two meals was my spreadsheet weight bar chart levelled off for a couple of days, but I've caught up now, hurray! I did go easy on the first one which was veeeeeeeeeeeery hard but "relaxed" a bit on the second one. YUM!)

Easy does it!

Hmmm, it doesn't take much to stop the flow of weight from my body! I'm maintaining my loss just about but I'm being forced to eat curry for the second night on the trot. Mmmmmm, nice. Last night we went out for an IaMT night and tonight friends are bringing one over. Reminds me of Michael Winner when he describes when he's going to be tempted most to eat and eat.

Never fear! I shall catch up and begin shrinking again tomorrow :-)