I am jammy...

...and so's my wife.

Our eldest (9) has been saying that he's been having trouble reading the board so we decided to get his eyes tested. My beautiful and terrifically busy wife told him that it was to be Leighton's at 4:15 on Tuesday, yesterday.

I'd only got this info from the boy so was after some confirmation from Ali but to no avail - text silence. Hmmm, I was becoming suspicious that a fob off had been performed! Still, towards the end of the school day she said that it was indeed Leighton's at 4:15.

All went well and his glasses may even be here by the weekend.

Now, later last night the truth was revealed. Ali had been blagging!! There was no booking made!! When I texted her to check, Ali had thought "Oops!" and phoned Leighton's just in case...

I should say that we are well used to me being jammy - sometimes it's embarrassing! This time, God did it for her - the lady at Leighton's said...drumroll please...there had been a cancellation for 4:15!

Ha ha, how cool is He??

Swimming...

Went swimming again today.

Yes, Neil, locker number 75.

London...

...was excellent! About 2,300 people packed into Westminster Central Hall - quite a sight and sound. Alex and I did our duties: he kept the queue (which went twice around the building) safe and I was a doorman in the Great Hall for four hours (ooooh, my aching feet!). Music was great, N T Wright made my brain ache and Mike Pilavachi reminded us that it really is all about Jesus. Well, I think it was Mike Pilavachi, either that or a thin version who sounds similar; he's barely recognisable. I did wonder if he'd been talking to Michael winner recently...

Early start in the morning...

Tomorrow Alex and I travel to London to go to the worshipcentral gathering at Westminster Central Hall. 2000 people will gather to sing, pray, learn, eat, mingle and be guided in queues and through doorways by Alex and myself. Can't guarantee to help each and every one of them. Since I (despite Alex's gentle reminders for the past few months...) left it so late that they SOLD OUT I emailed them to see if we could get in by helping - and we can! Hurray! Very pleased to be going (and by being on the team you get in for free!) and looking forward to tomorrow greatly :-)

Routines...

I like my routines. I probably need my routines, actually. Some think I'm a little Obsessive Compulsive...

I've started swimming again for several reasons: a) I like it, b) It helps me lose weight, c) I can now go without feeling very uncomfortable due to my size.

Anyway, I went today and I was noticing how I'm , inevitably, building little routines into the trip to the pool. First, I choose a pool. I've tried several with mixed experiences and settled on The Quays in town. I don't ask for much but here the Fast Lane is either empty (so I have the lane to myself) or actually populated by "Fast" swimmers, not people who just wish they were but live in cloud cuckoo land and hold you up. It's pride, isn't it? There's a "Medium" lane - doesn't sound too bad does it? You're Medium. Swim in the Medium lane. Please. OK, the "Slow" lane is definitely for those who wish to keep their hair dry, fair enough...but I digress.

On Tuesday I went for my first Quays visit and drove around for a bit trying to find it, didn't know where the entrance was, didn't know how much to pay or what I needed for a locker, didn't know I could get my parking fee back, didn't know where the Men's changing was or the way into the pool. But I made it into the pool and loved it. Struggled to find my way out of the car park afterwards...

Today, oh it was a different story! Straight there, straight in, got parking off the price, straight into the changing area to the same bench I used on Tuesday, same locker (Number 75), same lane, excellent all round! Straight out of the car park afterwards...

You may be thinking - even the same locker?? Well, as I was saying about routines, I refine a process bit by bit until it works optimally (in my mind) and then I repeat it. Every time. No point being unnecessarily anxious, now, is there? This is true for many things I do, I've noticed, and if it ain't broke, as they say, don't fix it.

My beautiful wife once took the kids to ASDA and turned left upon entering the store . "We can't do that!", they cried, "Daddy ALWAYS turns right..." and it's true. Must turn right, must turn right...

So, before very long I'll be able to do my swim without making any decisions at all. Which is just how I like it.

The story so far...

When I was at school I was often called fat. I laughed about it, but what are you supposed to do? It's a defense mechanism when on the inside you're hurting. I wasn't even that big but, especially in school, it doesn't take much. I was not bullied but, for whatever reason(s), this impression of myself has remained ever since.

As an adult, being obsessive it seems to me, has two faces. There is the internal, private one and the external, public one. Since mid December I have lost a lot of weight and, for me, it is a life changing time, and I can hardly believe I've done it. I am glancing in shop windows, catching my reflection and doing a double take - my mind is still stubbornly expecting to see the same old profile that I'd tried to ignore or deny. On the outside I was accepting of it - "Hey, this is the shape God made me!" - but on the inside ever more desperate not to be like I was. I know that unless I am very, very careful I will simply eat too much again. Repeatedly. Yes, unless you're like me you will not understand. Unless you are recognising this mindset in yourself it's just a bit over the top, isn't it? I look at this picture and think, "Yeah. just bring me some ketchup and leave me to it!"


In Winner's book, one of the things that came across to me is the seriousness with which he set his mind to the task. This is not a diet, this is a life or death change of lifestyle. It is that serious. Maybe not for you, but for me and others, quite simply, it is. There is no end, there is no finish line, there is only a behaviour modification that must be lifelong. Managing this approach involves the private and the public. Privately I can do as I please but publicly I need to integrate my eating so as not too make a fuss...

But, the benefits are numerous! Where do I start? I am not disgusted with myself. I am not ashamed of my shape. I am no longer approaching private despair. I carry a message of hope! It can be done! It really can - and by doing less, eating less!

For women, it is easier to discuss weight and eating. For men, well, don't be such a girl! I believe there are a large number of men who feel as I felt, who don't believe they can stop overeating, and I don't want to keep my feelings of victory, freedom, release, choice, increased self-esteem etc. to myself! I want other guys, who want to change, to know that it can be done.

It CAN be done, you CAN do it, and if I can help I will :-)

Lifted from Brian's blog...

A break...

In 1995 Ali and I were married and we went to the Isle of Wight for our honeymoon. It's a mere 12 and a bit years later and we've just been away together on our own AGAIN! This time we went to Bournemouth to a hotel for two nights and it was marvellous! Big thanks to the Frames for moving into our house and sorting seven kids in our absence...

I must recommend The Starlight curry house to both of you. Faultless! The service was actually fast!* I thought something must be wrong - we ordered, and the food arrived within a few minutes :-O The Chicken Tikka Madras I had was spectacular as well; just shy of my pain threshold, yum.

Who knows, in 2020 we may go somewhere again...

*At the other extreme was the IaMT curry in Southampton recently. I arrived about an hour late, but we were still waiting another hour later for the food to arrive. There were mumblings about going to the Chippy next door for sustenance while we waited. At one point some of the assembled stood up to change places (I think they were actually checking their legs still worked after being motionless for so long...) and the owner burst from the kitchen waving his arms thinking we were leaving having simply given up in despair...

Two of my favourite subjects...

Just saw this headline and thought, "Well, here two of my worlds collide!": "Obesity as big a threat as Climate Change"

"Conscious control" definitely describes me and Mr Winner!

I agree that small changes will not be sufficient to affect your weight and shape - a change of lifestyle is needed, albeit exercise, in my case, was not found to be necessary. I have now, however, started swimming and running again (I used to do short triathlons; I am thinking about doing them again...).

And on the subject of Climate Change, I hope you had a look at http://climatedebatedaily.com/ - read it with an open mind.

Obesity is not up for question but Anthropogenic Climate Change most certainly is.

Packhorses...

Just got in from the school run (non-uniform day for the girls, oops, will go back shortly with other clothes for them...). I saw a Mum heavy-laden with bags whilst her two boys happily walked alongside her. Why do most Mums do this?? One of our boys went to a friend's house after school yesterday and that Mum even offered to carry his stuff for him! Why?? Make the kids carry their own stuff. It's their stuff and they get used to it quite happily.

Will it be these Mum's who later can't understand why their kids don't do anything for themselves? "Why do I have to do everything around here?" they will cry, "Because you always did!" could be the response...

Pretentious? moi??

I just need to say that I had to Google Beethoven to find out who Orpheus actually is.

Phenominal...

Just watching "The South Bank Show" - they are profiling an extremely gifted pianist called Lang Lang and, I kid you not, he is one of the most amazing musicians I have ever seen. But, what's struck me is his emotional connection with the music he's playing (let alone his technical brilliance) - he demonstrates Orpheus' pain so very clearly (in the Beethoven) as he plays the notes. He is physically expressing the emotions as he plays. Such a very deep understanding here, quite sublime.

You think the debate is over? Think again...

Check out this site: http://climatedebatedaily.com/

I am firmly on the right hand side.

It's official...

...I am officially no longer OBESE!
Even the extremely unfair BMI chart confirms that I am now only OVERWEIGHT.
That's good then...

What's in a name...?

I was playing golf today with an extremely good friend today at Chilworth. I shall disguise his name, let's call him Dim Sendy (not his real name...). It was his birthday today and in honour of this great day I was enjoying a half corona cigar (Henry Winterman) on the 13th fairway. He looked across at me from the rough before taking his sixth (or so...) shot and said, "You remind me of Hannibal Lecter..." Well, I was taken aback - that's a bit harsh, I thought, "No, hang on", he said, "I mean Hannibal from the A-team!"

What's in a name, eh? Small difference...

One of those days...

Today has been one of those days. Now, I'd like to say that I did allow the day to develop, I just don't say, "It's going to be one of those days...", early in the morning 'cos I spilt the coffee. No, don't curse the day!

One of my jobs at Central Hall is to get the talk recorded and get it to the office on Monday; normally this is quite a straightforward task. Well, as straightforward as anything "technical" ever is! I'm also recording a new song and it (was) nearly done. I was given a PC for recording purposes and I prepare the talks on that machine too.

So I import the talk WAV from the H2 (takes ages...) to my Tracktion software as usual and it plays. Once. Then it's silent. I can even see the waveform on the screen but it's making no sound. My song tracks all work fine - on the same screen, on the same software. So I re-import the WAV and again it works once and then goes on strike. OK, restart the PC and begin again with a Normalised (takes absolutely ages on the H2) WAV now and it seems to be better. I chop the track nicely and go for an Export as a WAV as normal. At this point the whole Tracktion screen simply disappears. Uh, this is bad...didn't save the song...hours of work...gone in an instant.

This process of arriving at a point significantly worse off than where I started has taken me until lunchtime.

After huffing and puffing for a bit I resign myself to having to re-record the song (acoustic, bass, vocal, keys, drums...) from scratch and re-do the talk. Humph.

OK, re-restart the PC and...TRACKTION HAS COMPLETELY DISAPPEARED FROM THE COMPUTER AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! Now, I can't even re-record the song! Or redo the talk!

So, at the end of this day I have spent quite a lot of energy getting myself to a point some distance behind where I was when I started.

Here he is...

Careful, careful...

Time, I think, for another delve into the world of RoSPA. In keeping with my current food OBSESSION let's see how many people injured themselves in a food related way.

OK, on the hassandlass website I'm looking at "Breadbin". Hmmm, can't really see how you hurt yourself here but, hold on a sec, yep, I have the results:
In 2000 there were 71 "Victims" of "Breadbin", in 2001 there were 36 and in 2002 there were 185. BREADBIN?? 185 in 2002 means one person every other day!!

Right, let's check out, hmmmm, "Coffee Grinder". Results:
In 2000 there were none, in 2001 there were 18 and in 2002 none again. That is a BIG peak there in 2002. I can only think that either i) there was a Government awareness campaign after the 2001 epidemic vis a vis the dangers of grinding coffee or ii) everyone started drinking instant (or "Warm Drink of Weetabix" as I call it...). Interesting that the Breadbin is seriously more dangerous than the Coffee Grinder. Thinking about a sandwich or a cuppa? Go for the brew, seriously, your life could depend on it.

Last one. Let's choose, "Serving Tray". What do you reckon? How does this innocent looking piece of equipment compare with the near lethal "Breadbin" and the surprisingly harmless "Coffee Grinder"? Folks, I have to tell you that the humble Serving Tray is a DEATH TRAP!! In 2000 there were 1,419 Victims, in 2001 1,464 and in 2002 1,599! (On the increase, you notice?) HOW??

So, in summary, using advanced techniques of statistical analysis I calculate the following:

a) A Serving Tray is 2.6 times as dangerous as a Breadbin,
b) A Breadbin is 16.2 times as dangerous as a Coffee Grinder, and
c) A Serving Tray is 15.3 times as dangerous as a Breadbin and a wopping 249 times as dangerous as a Coffee Grinder.

I'll stop there.

You have been warned.
Ignorance is no longer an excuse.

(I have just checked back to a post I did on risk, read it here, and a Serving Tray is 2.2 times as dangerous as a Bus Shelter.)

Expressions...

Tonight at Central Hall we're having a meeting listed as Creative Prayer. The aim is to explore various expressions of creativity in prayer and worship and whatever else that means. I like to have everything prepared normally so this is something a bit different for me!

I am really keen to help facilitate people's creative expression before God. I know that my most natural expression, singing, is well catered for in our church life but what if your expression is painting? Or sculpting? Or dancing? Or...whatever it is? So we don't have a plan as such, just a few thoughts and we'll see what happens.

It's good to have some space and time for these sorts of expressions of the creativity that God has placed inside us all.

Some of it I will understand and some of it I will not. The picture is an example of "not" :-)

Another bottle...

My weight loss is now up to four 2 litre bottles of Diet Coke - WOW! I changed my plan slightly yesterday though as my wife, who's a Doctor, said I needed more protein so it was chicken for lunch! I know that at this stage of my food journey I can start to go a bit over obsessive and begin seeing food as the enemy. This way leads to bigger problems than being overweight! I think this highlights just what a complex thing your relationship with food can be - one season eating to excess, the next eating next to nothing. It can flip right over.

I was once working four nights a week in a factory on a line. I lost weight then by eating nothing but fruit and fibre and swimming one hundred lengths at the pool in the morning after each shift. Lost a lot then too, but this is not exactly sustainable is it??

This time my plan is to have two phases - Phase 1: Achieve an acceptable weight, and Phase 2: Maintain that weight.

Phase 1 is going well but I do have to be careful not to lose a healthy perspective on it.

I'm hopeful that Phase 2 will be sustainable.