I am jammy...

...and so's my wife.

Our eldest (9) has been saying that he's been having trouble reading the board so we decided to get his eyes tested. My beautiful and terrifically busy wife told him that it was to be Leighton's at 4:15 on Tuesday, yesterday.

I'd only got this info from the boy so was after some confirmation from Ali but to no avail - text silence. Hmmm, I was becoming suspicious that a fob off had been performed! Still, towards the end of the school day she said that it was indeed Leighton's at 4:15.

All went well and his glasses may even be here by the weekend.

Now, later last night the truth was revealed. Ali had been blagging!! There was no booking made!! When I texted her to check, Ali had thought "Oops!" and phoned Leighton's just in case...

I should say that we are well used to me being jammy - sometimes it's embarrassing! This time, God did it for her - the lady at Leighton's said...drumroll please...there had been a cancellation for 4:15!

Ha ha, how cool is He??

Swimming...

Went swimming again today.

Yes, Neil, locker number 75.

London...

...was excellent! About 2,300 people packed into Westminster Central Hall - quite a sight and sound. Alex and I did our duties: he kept the queue (which went twice around the building) safe and I was a doorman in the Great Hall for four hours (ooooh, my aching feet!). Music was great, N T Wright made my brain ache and Mike Pilavachi reminded us that it really is all about Jesus. Well, I think it was Mike Pilavachi, either that or a thin version who sounds similar; he's barely recognisable. I did wonder if he'd been talking to Michael winner recently...

Early start in the morning...

Tomorrow Alex and I travel to London to go to the worshipcentral gathering at Westminster Central Hall. 2000 people will gather to sing, pray, learn, eat, mingle and be guided in queues and through doorways by Alex and myself. Can't guarantee to help each and every one of them. Since I (despite Alex's gentle reminders for the past few months...) left it so late that they SOLD OUT I emailed them to see if we could get in by helping - and we can! Hurray! Very pleased to be going (and by being on the team you get in for free!) and looking forward to tomorrow greatly :-)

Routines...

I like my routines. I probably need my routines, actually. Some think I'm a little Obsessive Compulsive...

I've started swimming again for several reasons: a) I like it, b) It helps me lose weight, c) I can now go without feeling very uncomfortable due to my size.

Anyway, I went today and I was noticing how I'm , inevitably, building little routines into the trip to the pool. First, I choose a pool. I've tried several with mixed experiences and settled on The Quays in town. I don't ask for much but here the Fast Lane is either empty (so I have the lane to myself) or actually populated by "Fast" swimmers, not people who just wish they were but live in cloud cuckoo land and hold you up. It's pride, isn't it? There's a "Medium" lane - doesn't sound too bad does it? You're Medium. Swim in the Medium lane. Please. OK, the "Slow" lane is definitely for those who wish to keep their hair dry, fair enough...but I digress.

On Tuesday I went for my first Quays visit and drove around for a bit trying to find it, didn't know where the entrance was, didn't know how much to pay or what I needed for a locker, didn't know I could get my parking fee back, didn't know where the Men's changing was or the way into the pool. But I made it into the pool and loved it. Struggled to find my way out of the car park afterwards...

Today, oh it was a different story! Straight there, straight in, got parking off the price, straight into the changing area to the same bench I used on Tuesday, same locker (Number 75), same lane, excellent all round! Straight out of the car park afterwards...

You may be thinking - even the same locker?? Well, as I was saying about routines, I refine a process bit by bit until it works optimally (in my mind) and then I repeat it. Every time. No point being unnecessarily anxious, now, is there? This is true for many things I do, I've noticed, and if it ain't broke, as they say, don't fix it.

My beautiful wife once took the kids to ASDA and turned left upon entering the store . "We can't do that!", they cried, "Daddy ALWAYS turns right..." and it's true. Must turn right, must turn right...

So, before very long I'll be able to do my swim without making any decisions at all. Which is just how I like it.

The story so far...

When I was at school I was often called fat. I laughed about it, but what are you supposed to do? It's a defense mechanism when on the inside you're hurting. I wasn't even that big but, especially in school, it doesn't take much. I was not bullied but, for whatever reason(s), this impression of myself has remained ever since.

As an adult, being obsessive it seems to me, has two faces. There is the internal, private one and the external, public one. Since mid December I have lost a lot of weight and, for me, it is a life changing time, and I can hardly believe I've done it. I am glancing in shop windows, catching my reflection and doing a double take - my mind is still stubbornly expecting to see the same old profile that I'd tried to ignore or deny. On the outside I was accepting of it - "Hey, this is the shape God made me!" - but on the inside ever more desperate not to be like I was. I know that unless I am very, very careful I will simply eat too much again. Repeatedly. Yes, unless you're like me you will not understand. Unless you are recognising this mindset in yourself it's just a bit over the top, isn't it? I look at this picture and think, "Yeah. just bring me some ketchup and leave me to it!"


In Winner's book, one of the things that came across to me is the seriousness with which he set his mind to the task. This is not a diet, this is a life or death change of lifestyle. It is that serious. Maybe not for you, but for me and others, quite simply, it is. There is no end, there is no finish line, there is only a behaviour modification that must be lifelong. Managing this approach involves the private and the public. Privately I can do as I please but publicly I need to integrate my eating so as not too make a fuss...

But, the benefits are numerous! Where do I start? I am not disgusted with myself. I am not ashamed of my shape. I am no longer approaching private despair. I carry a message of hope! It can be done! It really can - and by doing less, eating less!

For women, it is easier to discuss weight and eating. For men, well, don't be such a girl! I believe there are a large number of men who feel as I felt, who don't believe they can stop overeating, and I don't want to keep my feelings of victory, freedom, release, choice, increased self-esteem etc. to myself! I want other guys, who want to change, to know that it can be done.

It CAN be done, you CAN do it, and if I can help I will :-)

Lifted from Brian's blog...