Nice one...

Just listening to a Radio 4 program about Dr Samuel Johnson. In Googling for a picture of him I came across a detail of his original dictionary and it made me smile:

OATS. n. f. [Saxon] A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people.


(Oh, my wife is semi Scottish by the way and hence I hold the brave battling Scots in far higher esteem than did Dr Johnson, it would appear.)

Thanks for that...

I posted a parcel this morning. I asked the lady what my options were and she said that First Class would be five pounds and Parcel Force would be four pounds ninety five.

"What's the difference?", I asked.
"5p", she said.

Still chuckling...

The other day on Radio 4 I heard part of a comedy. One of the characters was bemoaning the dilution of the English language with French phrases and he said something like this:

"I don't know, it's precisely that sort of laissez faire attitude that's bringing into question the very raison d'etre of the English language."

Love it :-)

Curse of the Golden Flower

I just finished watching the above film and, WOW!! My eyes popped and my jaw dropped increasingly as this film unfolded - how do they make films like this?? "Visually stunning" is spot on here, I mean, it seemed that every scene was a work of art, really!

What struck me powerfully was the sheer grandeur in which the Emperor and the royals lived. Forget your Buckingham Palace, no, no , no, I saw no Tupperware here my friends, this was ridiculous. Clothes made entirely of gold, incredible carpets everywhere, walls covered in the finest work, servants instantly available to tend to the every need, thousands of soldiers ready and pleased to die at the snap of the fingers - and yet...

...and yet it made me think of Solomon "in all his glory". The Queen of Sheba pitched up with, what she must have thought, an impressive selection of gifts and demonstrations of wealth but even she was "overwhelmed". 1 Kings 10 tells the story and goes on to describe, in part, his incredible wealth. God prospered Solomon to such an extent because, when in a dream, God asked him what was the thing he most desired, he asked for wisdom, "That I may discern between good and bad". As long as Solomon kept the true faith he would be the wisest and the richest in all the world. We know it didn't last, of course, and Solomon turned away from God in the end.

What's my point? Well, these things are so impressive but don't mean much to God. God's economy is about love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. These are the fruit of the Spirit.

To quote a kids' song: "Man looks on the outside, but God looks on the heart."

Carbon-offsetting: the rich and the poor...

A website I visit quite regularly is Arts & Letters Daily. I found this on my path as a Homedad needing something to keep my brain ticking over - it's a fantastic site, have a look!

Yesterday before bed I checked it out and found an article on carbon-offsetting - go on, read it, it's veeeeery interesting.

The neat point it makes is that it can only work as long as the third world poor remain poor. Think about it. If they all become as "developed" as us, whom will we pay to make up for our rich lifestyles, eh? Yes, indeed.

Well, I have the answer. Calculate how much CO2 you're putting into the atmosphere (through doing the ironing, or whatever...), work out your "offsetting cost", give me the cash and I'll tell you it doesn't make any difference to climate change anyway. You will sleep better at night, your conscience clear.

Golf clubs and exam grades...

The latest 5 iron will hit the ball further than a 5 iron of a few years ago. This is mainly because the modern day 5 iron has an equivalent loft of a 4 iron of bygone years. Why? Well, each year the manufacturers need to "improve" on their last year's model and, to most golfers, this means more distance. So, after the technological advances have plateaued all that's left is to "strengthen" the loft and make the golfer think he's hitting the ball further with your clubs. Your 5 iron hits as far as the old 4 iron, so it must be better. Clever, right? Nope. Cos now you don't have enough clubs at the short end - the wedges. Now you need to buy a "Gap" wedge (or wedges...) as the clubs have all shifted. All that's happened is the clubs have been renumbered to make us all feel better and to maintain our faith in the, apparent, never ending improvement in golf club performance.

So, to GCSE grades. Years ago, exams were "normally" assessed - such and such a percentage of candidates got As, such and such Bs etc. The problem politically is that, by definition, the percentage of, say, Cs won't change from year to year so how do we show we are getting better each year? So out went O levels and "criterion" assessment GCSEs arrived. Now, a certain mark will get you a certain grade, no matter how many candidates achieve that mark. Politically, we are able to see whether results are improving year after year - and do you know what? They are! Children are actually getting cleverer every single year, amazing! Fantastic! Yeah, as in "fantasy". So we have to have a new grade of A* as the "top" is too crowded - hello?? What happened to the Bell Shaped Curve? I imagine it's still right there, actually. It's a similar story with A levels, they're introducing an A* there too for the same reason and Universities are having to employ their own exams to differentiate between all the hopeful candidates with 17 or so A grades each.

Why do we think that everything must improve all the time? In reality, things tend to stay the same - whether it's the distances we hit golf balls or the distribution of "intelligence" amongst the population. When things won't improve we make them: adjust the lofts and appear to hit the ball further, and adjust the exams and appear to improve academic attainment. Genius.

Here's my prediction for the future:
1) A set of golf irons consisting: wedge 10, wedge 9, wedge 8, wedge 7, wedge 6, wedge 5, wedge 4, wedge 3, wedge 2 and wedge 1.
2) A range of exam grades consisting: A*******, A******, A*****, A****, A***, A** and A*.

The power of imagination...

School "holidays".
Humph.
Our eldest (9) is bored.
He just appeared at my door holding a blue strip of wood as tall as him, "I've found something to play with!", he exclaimed excitedly.
"Ah!", I said, "What is it?"
"A stick." he said,
"So, what's it going to be?", I asked,
"A stick." he said.

I am not a hairy man but...

Getting older is very interesting, I think. I'm 38 and I feel 38. Never quite understand when people say, "Inside I'm still an 18 year old..." - some sort of denial?

Anyway, to the title. I have started noticing unexplained rogue hair growth. This is just one of those things that happen as you age. I HOPE. First I noticed that my eyebrows had sprouted a couple of long hairs each, with a mind of their own, shunning the crowd and launching off to go their own way. So, what do you do? Tricky one this, but I had to pluck them out. I am having to pluck my eyebrows. This is not to reshape them, you understand, but simply to keep them under control.

Actually, upon further recollection, it was my nose that first gave the game away and my brother saying, "There's no excuse for that..." Male grooming gadgets, oh dear. I have electric nose hair clippers. There, I said it. (Warning, don't use these for eyebrows - one slip and you can end up looking a little, erm, "street"?)

Just the other day I also spied a mutant long hair on my wrist - what's next, the palms of my hands??

Ah well, one should accept these changes graciously. I still have all my own teeth, you know...but, now then, where did I leave them...?

I'm clever I am.

When we moved here I found this house name sign - for weeks I was wondering who Stann was and why the house was named after him....

And again...

NewScientist, 21st July 2007

(Article, "Global Shades" opening sentence.)

"Even with the best will in the world, reducing our carbon emissions is not going to prevent global warming."

Exactly right - this article brings to mind Nigel Lawson's lecture to the Centre for Policy Studies in late 2006 about which I blogged here.

Lawson summarises his lecture thus:

"Essentially, I have sought to argue three key propositions.

First, the relatively new and highly complex science of climatology is an uncertain one, and neither scientists nor politicians serve either the truth or the people by pretending to know more than they do.

Second, far and away the most rational response to such climate change as, for any reason, may occur, is to adapt to it.

And third, the rich countries of the temperate world have an obligation to assist the poor countries of the tropical world to undertake whatever adaptation may be needed."

There exists limited time, energy and money. Why are we continuing to waste (huge amounts of) these in trying to stop something that can't be, when we could be using them helping those likely to be most affected?

24-7 Ibiza Summer 2006

See what these guys do - you get a much clearer impression with a video. Brian spoke at Church, you can listen here - he's the one sunning himself.

Meritocracy? Not good enough.

If you have the ability, you should get your chance - Does this sum up the meritocratic aim? Probably. Been thinking about the Paul Potts video clip posted below and what's been troubling me is this: The guy shambles onto the stage and we all dismiss him. I mean, look at him! Stop wasting our time. He has no merit. So far. Then, he sings and now the "truth" is revealed - he can sing, really sing, he has merit, he has worth, now we love him, we really love him!! Why? Because he has given something to us. He has moved us. He is now useful to us. It's less about him, than us.

The same man walked onto the stage as walked off. Now we love him. What if he'd opened his mouth and confirmed our assumptions? Now we don't love him. Now we pity him and send him away.

You see my point? Meritocracy, forgive me, is dependent on perceived merit. Meritocracy can be brutal. What about those without perceived merit?

Jesus went to those without "merit" didn't he? Not for him a meritocracy. God's Kingdom is not like this because God is not impressed with "merit" but sees through to the heart.

God's Kingdom is about grace.

What grace would Paul Potts have been shown if he hadn't been able to sing?

Ale nomenclature

I was at the Men's (gggrrrrrrrrr...) get together at The Gate last night and had a fine time. Now that the pubs are smoke free and hence largely empty I thought I'd go along. I was kindly bought a couple of bottles of alcohol free Holsten which definitely tasted more like beer than Coke. Pretty much. Anyway, there were three of us left at the end (hardy souls) and I'm proud to say I invented a new ale. I mean, the name for a new ale. We were discussing our favourites - mine being London Pride, Flowers, HSBC erm, no hang on that's a bank, and (shh, don't tell real ale aficionados...) Directors. By the way, Courage Best at our Student bar when I first pitched up was 65p a pint!! (The Bar did go bust at some point...). But I digress. As I offered my choices I was struck at how simple the names were compared to "really proper" ales. So, imagine the quirksome pleasure of walking confidently to the bar and saying, "Hello there, a pint of Old Grumbleweedwhiskersbottom please." Does this or does this not sound just like a real ale? Yes it does. One day, who knows, you may get your chance. Any backers?

WHAT A MOMENT THIS IS!!

This has brought tears to my eyes...

Train of thought?

Yesterday, walking towards the school to drop the kids off the conversation went like this:

Kidofmine: Why do we walk down this side of the road?
Me: Because we use the Lollypop lady at the end of the road and she's on this side.
Kidofmine: But after school we walk back along the other side of the road...
Me: We utilise the Lollypop lady but down the road a little to cross to the other side of this road since we turn left at the top of the road because that's where I normally park the car.
Kidofmine: Why do cats lick their bottoms?

Over designed or what?

Saw this whiteboard eraser thingy this morning at preschool and had to take a photo. Someone designed this, and they really need to get out more.

Take a look:
1. Aerodynamically optimised.
We've all suffered the embarrassment of air resistance at the whiteboard surface slowing us down.
2. Lifted nose for even smoother operation.
No more getting stuck upon impact with a particularly thick line.
3. Extra grippy grey stuff ensuring no slipping mid stroke.
Forget seeing the eraser flying from your hand through the window.

Where would we be without great design like this?

Hmmm, interesting...

I went to Countess Mountbatten Hospice today in response to a request in our weekly newsletter for drivers. They need a few more people to transport patients, relatives and small bits of equipment. As our four (incredible) kids have got older my role as a Homedad has changed and I have more time freed up for other things - in October our youngest will be all day at school so loads more golf. Erm, I mean work...

Anyways, towards the end of the meeting I was asked if I'd had a close bereavement recently and, as you may know, my Dad died last October. Now, they don't allow anyone to help in this way until 2 years after a close loss. So I can't do it. This is a good rule but I hadn't thought about that so it was a bit of a, "Ah, right..." moment.

It's made me think hard today (even harder than normal...) because when I saw the request for volunteers it felt right and I could see how I could be a help in the community.
But I can't do it.

I think God said, "No, not now Mark." He's made his point and I wouldn't have got it without being turned down. I think he's asking me to concentrate on the things he has given me to do. My stuff at church is increasing, we're in a new season, and I know this will take significant time and energy. And let me not forget I am a Husband and still a Homedad. I think he's also said, "Just do what I give you as well as you can. Focus your energies on these things."

In the "Battleship surrounded by fishing vessels" picture I knew straight away that my primary place was on the battleship - this is where my energies will be concentrated. After this morning I feel as though I've been given "permission" to do just that: concentrate on the things he's given me and do them as well as I can with what he's given me, and stop feeling so guilty about not doing things he's not given me to do.

Minority sports,,,

Just been listening to Radio 4 on the way back from school pick up - they were talking about speedway. a reporter had been to a match to sample the experience. He was making the point that, as with other minority sports, the fans are utterly devoted. Perhaps the smaller fan base makes you feel a bit more special? Maybe. There was also a piece about the Tour de France which will be starting in London. Hang on a minute... London? Tour de.....?? Anyway, the guy was expounding the benefits of cycling and how it was becoming more and more popular in this country...

We are wired to be devoted to something and to promote that something. Hence, a fan of a particular minority sport, given the airtime, will become quite evangelical about his or her particular sport - we should all be doing it. But to what end, I ask myself? I was reminded of this, Psalm33:

17 A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save.

Sport is also a vain hope for deliverance, despite all its great wonders it cannot save. To hear some going on about their particular sport, you'd think it can.

Oh, and when is the Olympics coming to London? I'm not sure y'see, I can't read the Flintstone/Street logo...

My joke of the day :-)

My friend Duncan was telling me about the gun culture in the States - you can go to a supermarket and buy breakfast cereal, milk, coffee, a gun, ammo...

So my joke of the day was: "So when you get to the checkout, do they ask if you'd like help with your packing?"

I thank you, I thank you...

Here you go, Mum...

My Mum's having trouble with her email connection so I'm posting pictures of the "boys" here :-)

Top is Boots (black nose) and the bottom one is Socks (pink nose).