Essence 2: He's back and he's BIGGER!

I've previously posted about identity in Essence and I've been thinking again about this over the past few days. It's because I feel particularly large at the moment - waaay to much nice food. I posted a little about eating in Eating. Simple eh? Nope. and these two threads come together here.

I'm having to remind myself that I am not wholly defined by my weight. I know this, but I can find myself focusing on this aspect of "me" and letting it direct my thoughts in an unhelpful way.

I'm going back to a slimming group thing in January with a friend of mine - we've both done this one before and we had success with it, so off we go...

The problem with overeating is that, rationally, it makes no sense! Just eat less, don't snack, etc. - it's not rocket science. However, it is difficult not to have just one more whatever it is when it tastes soooooo nice...

So I approach the New Year with renewed hope and enthusiasm looking towards my first weigh in. Last time I lost a steady 2lbs a week for months and reached a very acceptable weight - I was over the moon. As we've heard so many times from so many people, however, it's keeping it off that's the even greater challenge.

Fundamentally, I love to eat, that's a part of me - my hope is that I'll learn to manage this aspect of myself and stay a bit slimmer than I am now.

Legal eagle

Driving the car the other day I saw two things that set me thinking (and you know it doesn't take much...):
1) Someone driving whilst talking on their mobile, and
2) Someone else throwing litter out of their car window.

What interested me were my instant knee-jerk reactions to each occurrence:
a) Thinking, "that's BAD", and
b) Thinking, "I wouldn't do that!"

So, condemnation swiftly followed by self-righteousness. Good for me.

From whence comes our ethics, morals, social mores, rules, regulations...? Which are "valid" and which are not? Which to obey? All or some?

I know that I feel two main compulsions to obey the law of the land:
i) I don't want to get in trouble, and
ii) My Believer's view that God's in control and authority comes from him (barring direct contradiction of his standards, as I understand them, like not murdering people.)

Some speed limits annoy me greatly - dual carriageway with 30mph?? Why? But I think I should obey the speed limit because I'm a Believer. I'm told the Angels get out if you exceed the speed limit anyway...

Above, 1) is dangerous and could result in a crash so fair enough, 2) is just annoying and unnecessary, speeding is also dangerous but some limits seem silly and we all think we know best so Speed Cameras get put up to raise money, err, I mean to keep us all safer.

God wants me to keep to the speed limits so I try very hard to do so (on my motorbike it's MUCH MUCH MORE DIFFICULT!!). It's one of the ways he teaches me patience, I think.

Observing the laws of the land is good for me, it's a humility thing.

What do you think?

Short note

I would like to wish all of you loyal readers a very happy Christmas!

We have battled through our seemingly never ending piles of presents for our kids, but we do have four, so I reckon it's to be accepted.

Having picked up the kids from school the other day whilst walking to the car one of our sons said, "Dad, why don't you like Christmas?", I said "Well, you get soooooo many presents and it does get me down a bit. I want us to remember Jesus , you see...".

Our eldest daughter (4) said, "But Dad, we still know it's Jesus' birthday!"

Fair enough. We'll do both.

Scale

Found this planet/star video today. Take a look. See how far into it you can maintain your mental model. My first "gasp" came at Earth to Neptune but this is very very small potatoes. Jupiter to the Sun is quite amazing but still apparently tiny, Pollos to Arcturus seems crazy but Beteigeuze (Betelguese to you and me)??? AND THEN MY CEPHEI!!! I was losing any understanding of scale at the Sun...

I remember as a boy I'd imagine flying through infinite space, on and on. The fact that you could never reach the "end" (if you did, you just went a little bit further, right?) filled my head with wonder and awe. You can always add 1 to the biggest number ever...and get a bigger number! Aaaargh, there's no end to it.

Later, much later, I discovered that there are classes of infinity, different types, countable and non-countable for example. Some infinities are "bigger" than others. Eh? Yep!

Then there's the square root of -1. It doesn't exist, does it? Yes it does (but does it?) and it's called i or j (depending on your discipline...). The thing that does my head in is that although it's "imaginary", real world solutions are gained from its employment. It's like the maths skips out to another dimension for a moment or two...

Actually, there are 10 dimensions in reality (or so...).
I can only find 4 in my office, but it is a bit of a mess I'm told...

God is indeed very very big.
And we are indeed very very not.

Cavatina

I blogged about Cavatina in this previous post and was thinking about it today.
I found this guy Peo Kindgren playing it on YouTube and it's soooo beautiful; I'm still not going to listen to it too much, it's special...

Another reference to my friend Blaine...

Grace

When I about 21 I knew everything. Dunno what's happened in the meantime! Actually, I do know. I've been shown grace. "Shape up or ship out" is great until it's you who doesn't "shape up", right? I want another chance when I make a mistake, not to be written off. As I'm shown grace, I find that I'm naturally more gracious to those around me.

An occasion that blew me away was when I was to lead the worship at a men's conference years ago, Friday night and then Saturday. I was late for the Friday and missed the slot completely - someone else stepped in for me at the last minute. The thing was, though, when we arrived and walked in I shot a look at the Pastor who just waved, smiled and shrugged. I felt such grace toward me. This simple act of grace still informs my actions to this day.

I heard Steve Chalke on the radio - a lady was trying to badger him into giving a yes or know answer to a complex question. Then he said this:

"The problem with black and white answers, with premature black and white answers, is that they crush people."

How right he is. We're not to crush people but love them. More and more I see that one rule does not fit all, that each person presents a unique set of circumstances, and as I've said before, we am not in possession of all the facts. No wonder he said not to judge...

"You shouldn't feel anything..."

Check out Blaine's recent experience of the NHS in all it's (and his) glory.


For mine, I was unconscious, thank you Jesus.

Hmmm, I wonder if Blaine felt like a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Adversity

Found this just now:

You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as though one problem was solved a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen.

She filled three pots with water.

In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans.

She let them sit and boil without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.

She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked. "What's the point, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity--boiling water--but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique; however, after they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. " When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot , an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?

How do you handle Adversity?

ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

Winterval

Have a read of this.

And check out this picture - where do you even start???
(Looks like 'ole Santa's got lumbered with the babysitting, where's everyone else? And is that Noah's dove in the rafters - must be over 2000 years old??)

Now, I am no fan of Christmas (and I do almost zero shopping or preparing or arranging...). I am a huge fan of Christ though!

I won't rehearse here all the stuff about commercialisation and presents and money and whatsitallaboutanyway etc.; I'm sure we're familiar with all that.

The other day I remembered all the de-Christing discussions that are happening around the country. When I first read the article linked above I initially reacted with pique but also recognised a contradiction inside me. Do I really want to yoke Jesus with this festival?

I actually want a Christmas about Christ.
"Christmas", however for most people, has become largely dissociated from Christ, from Jesus.

So, what would be so bad about separating the two?

We may be living in a lip-service "Christian" country, but we're not living in a "Believer" country are we? Significant difference!

So, we could have Winterval (or Presentval or whatever): presents, lights, Santa, reindeer, trees, mistletoe etc, and as a Community of Believers we could do our own thing, whatever that may be.

Jesus was a challenge wasn't he? He wasn't crucified for being too nice. He presented people with a choice: carry on as you are or repent (change your mind) and live differently from now on. I think people respond much more to a clear choice and a challenge than a form of weak Christianity that says, "Become a Christian and stay the same." What's the point of that?

And let's not fail to notice that "Christmas" is actually pronounced "Krismas" anyway, not "Christ-mas".


So, whaddayathink?

Two thoughts released into the wild

1) We have a broken wall clock in our front room.
Twice a day it tells exactly the right time.

2) When a car is in motion the tyre contact points on the road are still.
So at no time is all of the car going along.

Thanks for that, just needed to free them.

Sausages.

There once was a man. He liked eating sausages. He would eat any cheap old sausages and enjoy them greatly. "Sausages are delicious!", he'd think to himself, "I will always eat sausages like these."

One day he dined at a friend's house. Eating his friend's sausages, he was surprised, "These sausages are much nicer than mine..." he exclaimed! That night he had some of his own sausages but now they just didn't seem so good. "Hmm, I've tasted better...", he mused.

Next time in the store he bought the sausages like the ones his friend had served him. "Oh, yes!", he rejoiced later eating his dinner, "Now we're talking, these are the best sausages in the world - I shall always eat sausages like these!".

However, his curiosity had been aroused and he started wondering, "What would the best sausages in the whole world taste like??"

Thus it was that the man found himself on a winding road in the search for "The Last Sausage". The sausage that would end his exhausting and frustrating search for satisfaction. He'd taste the next type of sausage and say, "At last, this is the ONE!", but alas, doubts would creep in and he would change his mind and start wondering again.

He would hear rumours of truly great sausages, historic sausages, classic sausages, even signature series sausages!! He would have given up hope but he was simply unable to arrest the urge inside him that kept him searching.

Browsing Ebay one day, he saw IT. He gasped! "This IS the one!", he cried, "and look at the price! It's a bargain with the current exchange rate - if I sell my other sausages I could buy this one!"

And so, while his wife was out, he tried to buy the sausage of his dreams. The payment was refused by the credit card company who then RANG HIS WIFE AND GRASSED HIM UP.

There is a happy ending to this story...

The man's wife was a very gracious woman and approved the payment, God bless her!

As I write, the man is joyously waiting for his Last Sausage to be sent, confident that it is indeed "The Last Sausage".

Peace, at last.

Essence

How do I define myself?

Who am I?

There are things I am and things I do.

So, I am a son, a brother, a husband, a father. The first two were given and the second two I chose.

In terms of what I do, well, what are the things I love to do? I am a "songwriter", "worship leader", "soundperson", "golfer".

A number of these I feel driven to do, particularly songwriting - I "hear" an idea and I have to get it recorded, I'm driven to do it, to get it out, to express myself. My friend Lynn would ask me as I gave her the next CD, "So who's looking after the kids?". I am a Homedad, you see. Now I say, "No children were harmed in the making of this CD!" and I fit it in more with my responsibilities here at home.

Now, as I define myself, what would happen to me inside if I couldn't write anymore? What if I couldn't play guitar anymore? Sing anymore? Hear anymore? These are scary thoughts to me.

Do I define myself primarily in terms of my abilities, or as a Child of God?

What about the stuff we have? Imagine I didn't have whatever it is and how do I feel? Do I feel diminished? If I do, then there may be some work to be done. If I don't, then great!

For me, a useful thought experiment is to imagine Jesus is at the end of our road and I want to run to him. Is there anything I have that would cause me to hesitate? In going through this process I've found I can "amend" the ties that can bind me to things.

And they really are just things no matter how beautiful the sound of those pickups on that guitar through that amp, or whatever scratches your itch...

Another way to "amend" the ties is to lend whatever it is to someone and have it come back damaged. That helps too...

Dinner guests

Last night Ali and I entertained a lovely young couple over dinner. They'd prefer to remain anonymous (some hope...) so let's just call them Billy (not her real name) and Caroline (not his real name). The pictures are them in silhouette; don't want to give anything away!


Now Caroline (that's the man, not his real name) is an accomplished Chef of high renown and so we were a bit worried about what to prepare. However, it turns out we needn't have concerned ourselves as it transpired during the meal that he prefers Galaxy to Dairy Milk!! I ask you!? May as well eat the candles we had on the table as eat Galaxy! Once I'd realised that Caroline (the man) had no taste buds I could relax.


Billy (the lady, not her real name) is a very clever lady indeed. She did, however, think that my office/music/recording room is a mess. I think it's a lady thing (my wife Ali thinks it's a mess too and she's a lady). Although Caroline (that's the man remember, not his real name) thought it was a mess too! So it's a man thing now?? I'm confusing myself...

Anyway, it's not a "mess", it's a physical representation of my brain utilising the "Volcano" method of organisation. I may open it up as an installation... not my brain, the room.

We had a great evening, neither the cow nor chicken died in vain, and I proved that I can reheat food with the best of 'em.

His grace is enough for me

So, yesterday I had a look at some more hymns and found this one on grace by J Bruce Evans dated 1906. I've failed to find any information about him; the picture is not him, although he may have been feeling like this at the time...

Just when I am disheartened,
Just when with cares oppressed,
Just when my way is darkest,
Just when I am distressed-
Then is my Saviour near me,
He knows my every care;
Jesus will never leave me,
He helps my burdens bear.

Just when my hopes are vanished,
Just when my friends forsake,
Just when the fight is thickest,
Just when with fear I shake -
Then comes a still small whisper:
"Fear not, My child, I'm near."
Jesus brings peace and comfort,
I love His voice to hear.

His grace is enough for me, for me,
His grace is enough for me;
Through sorrow and pain,
Through loss or gain,
His grace is enough for me.

Just when my tears are flowing,
Just when with anguish bent,
Just when temptation's hardest,
Just when with sadness rent-
Then comes a thought of comfort:
"I know my Father knows."
Jesus has grace sufficient
To conquer all my foes.


I've "music'd" this one too, listen here.

There are gaps...

Everything is not alright all the time and this needs to be reflected in our church songs. We can find ourselves only addressing the joys of life and ignoring the woes. It's not very realistic is it? There are many gaps in our subject matter that need filling.

This lady is Mary B Shindler (1810-1883), one of the ladies (Mary Ann Ser­rett Bar­ber (1801-1884) being the other one) to whom the following hymn words are attributed:

Prince of Peace, control my will;
Bid the struggling heart be still;
Bid my fears and doubtings cease,
Hush my spirit into peace.

Thou has bought me with Thy Blood,
Opened wide the gate to God;
Peace I ask, but peace must be,
Lord, in being one with Thee.

May Thy will, not mine be done;
May Thy will and mine be one;
Chase these doubtings from my heart,
Now Thy perfect peace impart.

Saviour, at Thy feet I fall,
Thou my life, my God, my all;
Let Thy happy servant be
One forevermore with Thee!

I found theese words in a section entitled "Doubt" and it's all there: failure to control the will, a struggling heart, fearful and doubting, lack of peace... sounds like me! And you?

I've put these to music and you can listen here.

Each generation can easily fall into the trap of reinventing the wheel when so so many have gone before us, experiencing the same struggles and the same God.

How arrogant we can be!

Respect, Mary!!

YOU ARE AT RISK!!

Why are we so bad at assessing and dealing with risk? I feel like banging my head against the wall, no, hang on, sounds a bit dangerous that...

From the moment of conception, you are at risk, aren't you?

Check out the RoSPA website! People injure themselves in a bewildering variety of ways, take a look...

For example, accidents where the object or product involved is:
"Bus shelter" (be afraid, be very afraid...)

In 2000, 656 people,
in 2001, 696 people,
in 2002, 718 people.
(On the increase you notice??)

Huh? A bus shelter? What are they doing with 'em, throwing them at each other?? Don't believe me? Check it.

Me: OK kids, I know the big bus looks dangerous, and it is, but never forget the hidden danger of THE BUS SHELTER, AAAAAAAAARRGGHHH, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES.......
Kids: Have you had too much coffee again, Dad?


On the radio this morning I heard a lady linking phone masts, microwave cookers and cancer, all in the same breath!! Does she ever cross the road (VERY DANGEROUS - DON'T DO IT!)? Her "evidence" was almost entirely conjecture; good job they had a Boffin to speak some sense.

I'm reminded of the MMR problem, "Unless you can guarantee me that my child is at no risk whatseover from this jab, they're not having it. I'm sorry, but I have the safety of my child to consider - are you SERIOUSLY asking me to put my child in DANGER??" I despair...

From whence came the idea of a riskless society?
It's about balance of risk, isn't it?

Anyway, BAN ALL BUS SHELTERS!!

So, are you emerging?

Check out this post and see if you are!

Wisdom!

This paper by Nigel Lawson is truly excellent! It's an easy read and makes extremely good sense.

Read it and comment.

Oh, and special commendations to anyone who can decipher my cryptic image above?

proskuneō

One of my favourite definitions of "worship" so far is:
"Worship is our occupation with God himself, with the greatness of his being."

I like this because it doesn't restrict worship to any one activity of group of activities. I regularly lead "worship" in church meetings and it is one of the great pleasures of my life - what a joy and privilege! Most of us in these times are occupied with the greatness of his being, as above.

However, when I play golf I am also occupied with the greatness of his being. For me, the flight of a golf ball is a truly beautiful thing to behold (until the ball vanishes into the trees/water/ditch/rough/bunker). Let's restrict ourselves to that perfect drive all of us golfers have hit at least once:

The ball soars upwards and away, straight, splitting the fairway, you watch it in the air for what seems like minutes and it lands, bounding on, finally coming to a halt leaving just a wedge to the green. Aaaahhhhh yes! God himself came up with everything involved there. The feeling of impact, the sound, the sight, the parabolic flight modified by the spin of the ball and air resistance, the bounce, the roll... It's all from him!

I believe we can nurture in ourselves an ever increasing awareness of the greatness of his being in everything that we do. Everything that we do. If you are doing nothing more than breathing right now, well, he gave you the lungs didn't he?

The term "worship" is problematic, to my mind, in that it's become overly associated with our music. However, I can offer no better word or phrase to replace it.

I just don't want anyone thinking that their "worship" only happens in our music.

This is worth reading too, for a range of descriptions of worship.

Well, I'd never noticed that before...

This is the double rainbow that greeted the kids when they came out of school today - very , very nice.
(Click on it and you should get a larger view.)



I've seen doubles before but I've just found out by Googling "Rainbow" that the colours are reversed in the second one!

From Wikipedia:
Occasionally, a second, dimmer secondary rainbow is seen outside the primary bow. Secondary rainbows are caused by a double reflection of sunlight inside the raindrops, and appear at an angle of 50°–53°. As a result of the second reflection, the colours of a secondary rainbow are inverted compared to the primary bow, with blue on the outside and red on the inside. The dark area of unlit sky lying between the primary and secondary bows is called Alexander's band, after Alexander of Aphrodisias who first described it.

Nice one God :-)

Good job I know some science...

Phew, that was close!

It's a really nice morning here today - I took this photo about twenty minutes ago in our garden. "What a gorgeous day!", but then I thought, "Hmmm, global warmimg could mean that my children and my childrens children may not see days like this because it'll be too hot or too cold or too something to even go outside because I drove the car again today and I have to DO SOMETHING!"

So, I've just eaten some toast to offset my car journey. The black bits are carbon, right? You're ahead of me, aren't you? Anyway, the car puts it out and I've taken some in so we're quits. Nice.

There's plenty of room on board...

"The name "bandwagon fallacy" comes from the phrase "jump on the bandwagon" or "climb on the bandwagon", a bandwagon being a wagon big enough to hold a band of musicians. In past political campaigns, candidates would ride a bandwagon through town, and people would show support for the candidate by climbing aboard the wagon. The phrase has come to refer to joining a cause because of its popularity"

As I have confessed previously, I am biased, but I do think the anthropogenic argument looks like one big bandwagon. Seems to me so many people are jumping on without actually doing the research themselves.

Did you read this paper yet? I found it hard going but it makes a good case. Everyone does, that's my point, so let's not just go with a majority view simply because it's, by definition, popular.

Argumentum ad populum is worth checking out too...

What to do with the pain?

I tend to avoid physical pain as much as possible as I don't like it and I feel it does me no great good.

Emotional and spiritual pain though, I sometimes seek out. My DVD collection includes a number of films that have left me emotionally shredded by their end. I don't entirely understand why, but I feel I have gained something in the viewing. My daily life as a Homedad is fairly routine (which I like); how quickly I could become numb.

Those that spring to mind are "Dead Man Walking" , "The Pianist" , "Schindler's List", "Rabbit Proof Fence", "American Gun", "Hotel Rwanda", I could go on...

Each of these (and others) has brought the tears to my eyes and each has taught me something. Each has wounded me and brought a keener edge to my empathy. Each has hurt.

I remember hearing John Wimber speak about suffering and describing situations involving great loss and pain. I waited with baited breath for him to reveal the answer to it all, and for me he did. He said, "And we say, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God!" That was it. And to me it made sense. It still does.

We cry out to him whom we know and trust. We take it to him and it hurts. We stretch out our hand and grasp for him, for he alone can restore us. He is our certain hope and the only way we can be truly free.

Wimber's talk reminds me of Job finally getting his chance to make his case before God. Job 38 begins, "Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm and said, "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?" Can you imagine what Job's feeling now??!!

We so easily speak "words without knowledge". In Chapter 42 Job replies, "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful to know".

There are many things too wonderful for me to know. Perhaps in eternity I will know, but in the meantime I try to stay soft, embrace the pain and take it to him, saying, "Oh God, oh God, oh God..."

Whoops!

So far today we've had:

sunshine...

heavy rain...

sunshine...

and sleet!


It's only 9:36am.

It's probably because I drove the kids to school...

I admit it: I am biased!

Global Warming or Climate Change?

Man made catastrophe or a natural cycle?

I am biased and I'm not convinced we're as much to blame as we're told.

When you start researching you start to see just how complicated and multi-faceted this earth's climate is, it's beyond comprehension! No one understands it. One theory is contradicted by the next. Wait long enough and the predictions change more radically than the global temperature is ever allegedly going to. We naturally try to simplify things don't we? Our brains cannot cope with more than two or three variables at a time so we're forced to ditch the (percieved) less important ones and focus on a "Single Dominant Causal Factor". There may not be one. If there is one, for argument's sake, what if it's the Sun? This article is interesting. Now, the Sun is not affected by my deoderant or my V8 is it?

Politically, simple is good (policy can be presented to the voting public for approval), complex is bad (nobody knows what you're talking about). Problem is we're asked to put our faith in simple "solutions" to impossibly complex problems. The classic "Wife beating" question is posed time and time again. There can be no "Yes" or "No" answer, however much we'd like it.

Squillions of pounds, dollars and whatever else are set to be spent on trying to fix something that may not exist or may not be fixable anyway. But governments must be seen to be doing something. Hey, that's politics, right?

Can anyone think of a better way of spending this money?
Answers on a postcard in the comments window please...

Sincere thanks!

In a previous post I lamented the effect of rain on the school run and asked that people didn't go driving for no reason just to mess up my journey.

It rained this morning; however, I can report that my request was granted!
No extra traffic and we were there in good time.

So, sincere thanks to you all for not getting in my way this morning.
Much appreciated :-)

The hardest question...

From Radio 4's website:

Swaziland has the highest rates of Aids in the world, with a staggering 4 in 10 pregnant women testing positive at antenatal clinics. The economic and social effects are incalculable - health and education services are collapsing and the country is facing the sixth consecutive year of severe drought and hunger.

I happened to hear part of "Living with Aids: Global Challenge" on the way to pick up Becky from preschool this morning. A wideheld belief in Swaziland is that if you have Aids and you have sex with a virgin you will be cured. My heart broke as I heard the timid voice of a ten year old boy who had been raped by a woman who believed just this. This little lad is now infected. He's just ten. I had tears in my eyes as I walked from the car to the school. God, oh God, oh God...

John Humphreys has been in conversation with three religious leaders, "Humphreys in Search of God", and in each case the question of suffering has been paramount. It is perhaps the question that prevents most from trusting God. There is no answer. There is a gap. The gap is bridged by faith. Faith requires a humility that says, "You are God. I am not."

Years ago it struck me: It's not so much non-belief in God that I see, it's more a dislike of God as he is understood.

"God may exist, but I don't like him. Look at what he allows. How can a loving God allow such things?"

I don't know. Neither do the three religious leaders, but Humphreys sees that this is not an impediment to their faiths. It's OK to say, "I don't know."

That little lad I've mentioned above, what's to become of him? I don't know, it breaks my heart but I don't.

Eating. Simple, eh? Nope.

Food.

If it wasn't so nice I would be a lot slimmer.

This topic will be something I blog about from time to time as I wrestle with it daily.
Well, when I say, "wrestle", I actually mean "give in to" daily.

I know that many people struggle with food issues so perhaps it'll help someone.

I won't be mentioning any particular foodstuffs as this can be unhelpful to some, but will be talking generally about my issues; you are, as always, very welcome to comment :-)
(However, "Eat less" would not be useful to me...)


I am too overweight at the present time. In the past I have been slim several times (no, really...) but haven't managed to maintain a svelt figure for very long (couple of hours tops...). I relax once I've acheived my goal and slowly but surely morph back into my current shape.

Eating my favourite foods is just soooooooooo pleasurable - I don't know WHAT happens in my brain, but it's very comforting whatever it is! There you have the vicious circle, feel big, eat for comfort, feel guilt, get bigger, eat for comfort, feel guilt, get bigger, and so on and so on...

Food for many is simple. I wish it was simple for me.

By the Bargate in town

Saw this in town the other day;

now would seem an appropriate time to post it.

(If you click on the picture you should get a larger version for reading.)

Dad's funeral

So we waited in what seemed like limbo land for a week and a half for Dad's funeral and finally Wednesday came. I see it as a door that had to be gone through. There was something in the process that took me a big step further on. The biggest step of all was seeing his body at the hospital the day he died. Very traumatic, very raw, very necessary for me. Driving to Mum's in the early hours that Friday I was expecting him still to be there when I arrived. I missed him by about fifteen minutes; seeing his body at the hospital became crucial for me.

The funeral at the crematorium went as well as it it could have, given the circumstances. The chapel was full, standing room only, the vicar was a star, and we got through it. At last. We walked through a door on Wednesday and have emerged on the other side to carry on, but now in a new season. A season without Dad.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my Dad's funeral.

Familiarity

Went to the West Quay shopping centre this morning. When it was under construction I'd glimpse the roof structure as I passed what was to become the main entrance. I was amazed by its sheer size but noticed as well it's curves; I thought it was beautiful and awe inspiring.

At the end of this is the main space; the first time I saw that I looked around in wonder - the scale of the place!

Now, I go through these places and barely look up. I'm used to it. Over time I've developed my routines as well so I pay even less attention to what's around me. Park here, use this escalator, go to this shop, that shop, same routes, same routines...


So it can be with God and his kingdom. I've taken another look at the shopping centre and it is still amazing! I rediscovered the wonder and sense of the undiscovered, the possibilities, all the things I haven't seen or even noticed yet.

So I take another look at God and his kingdom, and guess what...?

My Dad

Sad sad news, I'm afraid.

My Dad passed away last Friday 27th, in bed, in the early hours. He'd had heart trouble for years. It wasn't going to be if or how, but when, and when turned out to be last Friday. My Mum, my brother and I have been making the necessary arrangements, quite busy, not too much time to dwell, but I know that there'll be plenty of time to dwell soon enough.

Feel OK at the moment but I am nervously suspicious of this tension I'm feeling; seemingly taking it in my stride and yet sensing a deep malaise that threatens to rise up and grab me, like a creature lurking in the deep.

We will see.

Rain, bring it on!

Played golf with my good friend Obr (not his real name but it is an anagram...) at the Rosebowl yesterday and the good Lord chose our round to make up for any recent paucity in rainfall in Hampshire. Oh yes indeed! It was heartening for me to find that, in my dotage, I have not become a "fair weather golfer" but retain the joy of playing even in weather like yesterday. My good friend Obr (have you got it yet?) stood with me on the 10th doing a convincing impression of a drowned rat and asked hopefully, "Are you sure you really want to do this?". "Oh yes!" I said, "I'm happy!" and indeed I was. Soaked to the skin but happy. Walking along the muddy wooded track to the 13th tee (I think it was the 13th...) I chuckled, "This is why the Romans went home..." When we got to the 13th tee we saw a golf buggy driving across the fairway loaded with flags. "They're taking the flags in" said Obr, not quite managing to hide his joyful relief, "Can't play without flags, can you?"

Robbed. Bunch of lightweights! I'd have carried on...

Another newspaper article

Saw in the paper today that three portions of greens a day can help prevent memory loss.

Another newspaper article

Saw in the paper today that three portions of greens a day can help prevent memory loss. Yeah right!

Joking right?

The previous post was not what we did. We were fresh out of flares...
Proper procedure can be found in The Highway Code rule 190.

Horse

It's bit country here and it's not uncommon to see horses being ridden along the lanes. We saw one today and we were careful to follow the correct procedure as we passed in the car. I sounded the horn repeatedly whilst revving the engine and swerving unnecessarily and as we passed Ali launched a flare out the window.

Pay online, "It's so simple"

Dad's upgraded to a new PC and the old scanner doesn't work with XP. No problem, he'll buy a new one. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. We look at a well known PC retailer (WKPCR) website and decide on a model. We go to the store. That model's not there. Right. Dad likes a Canon but there's no box under the display shelf. We ask. Sorry, out of stock. Right. We go home again. Dad looks in a catalogue of a well known high street retailer (WKHSR) and finds a similar Canon, almost identical. Good, we'll buy that one then. Dad phones and they're out of stock. Right. I Froogle the Canon we saw in WKPCR and find it online (now we're talking!) at WKPCR and it's much cheaper online than at the store. Why? Don't care. We'll buy this one online, then we don't even have to go out! Oh, we already did that...

So the actual subject of this post begins.
Select scanner and add to the basket we go to checkout and it says we need to register as new customers fine so it's username password address phone numbers inside leg measurement proceed oops typo retype all the above proceed check order yes fine proceed again for your security retype the password you just entered and we already accepted sorry wrong password well it can't even be the wrong password you just accepted it already oh well re enter already accepted password sorry wrong password it's NOT the wrong password YOU accepted it only a few minutes ago getting frustrated I know log out and in again loginlogoutshakeitallabout submit? yes we are about ready to do just that reselect scanner go through process again sorry wrong password NO IT'S NOT IS IT? right stuff WKPCR we'll buy from someone else re Froogle and it's just got cheaper somewhere else literally in the last few minutes!! right so it's create account somewhere else laughing now no literally out loud username password inside leg measurement create proceed for your convenience howoulduliketopay fine looking good tension building this could be IT cut the air with a knife and PAYMENT ACCEPTED!!! joint shout of hooray and it's over stop the clock.

An hour.

Pay online "It's so simple"...

Cheese and Butter

We're staying at my parents for a couple of nights. I notice they have a "Modern Cheese and Butter Cutter". Modern cheese? A Cheddar iPod? And if you're slicing your butter then it's too thick my friend...

Song link

Wahey! I worked out how to link to a song!!
If you click on the link on the left you can hear a song written from Matthew 25:31-45, it came up a couple of times in last Sunday's meeting...

Copied and hence a second chance

The 5 posts below are copied from my failed first attempt, if you commented on any of them please feel free to comment again :-)

Surely now I'm sorted???

Multitasking

Men can't multitask eh? Well I'm here sitting and typing. Count 'em.

Typo

In the last post I originally typed "Adagio for Stings" which was a mistake. This is an entirely separate piece of music which Barber wrote in a fit of pique after a nasty episode involving bees...

Suprised by beauty

Driving home listening to "Desert Island Discs" I was caught off guard by Barber's "Adagio for Strings". One of the most beautiful, tragic, gentle, intense pieces of music I've ever heard. Heard it lots before and have it on CD somewhere, but, I love being suprised by stuff like this. You're going about your normal routine and something amazing crashes in like a hammer through a pane of glass and you STOP. Not for long but long enough. It is a very rare occurence (even getting up on time happens more frequently...); the last time was about 7 years ago, doing the washing up in our previous house, looking out the window listening to the radio and being surprised by "Cavatina" played by John Williams. So incredibly moving. Notable that both pieces are used in films about war, "Platoon" and "The Deerhunter" - classic juxtaposition eh? I choose not listen to these pieces now - I reserve them for my next suprise...

School run exemplar

Today we cracked it! Left the house 0824, parked 0834, 3 kids in 0847-0852 via 3 different doors (which opened 0845), ready and waiting for 4th kid to enter preschool at 0900. In recognition of this great event, the terrific rain we've had all night (so Ali tells me, sleep like a log me...) cleared and as I walked away from the school glowing with a great sense of achievent the sun came out and made it a very beautiful day indeed :-)

Benefits of fish "outweigh the risks"

Just saw the above headline on the BBC news page on my phone. Jonah?

There's my heading space!!

Nice one. Although I didn't do that last time, they just appeared....

Where oh where have my headings gone???

Right. I seem to have rendered my fledgling blog inoperable by (I can only assume) mistyping both my email address and my password. How could it get MORE complicated?? So, I've resorted to starting a shiny new one and I'll write the password down this time. Email renotification didn't work either so I've had to give up and start again. Humph. Still don't think I got my email wrong.